Feeling like an idiot

Suzyinthesummertime · 20/02/2022 05:09

Yeah I think you need to leave it there and concentrate on your marriage. This guy is married too so you're asking for a lot of trouble at a time where you are vulnerable and not thinking clearly. He is making you feel good at the minute but it's not real. It's just a distraction from reality. You already know it's not right and it would be a big mistake to pursue this further. Talk to your husband and try to regain closeness with him again. Step away from something that could ruin a lot of lives as well as your career.

Monty27 · 20/02/2022 05:34

Just step back OP. Way back. Concentrate on your job while at work and your home life depends on you. Don't duck it up.

illyawasthebest · 20/02/2022 05:36

Oh for goodness sake, what are you playing at OP?

This is real life, not a melodrama. You'll fuck your life up and painfully regret it.

Sort your marriage out before starting something with someone else - and make sure they're single too.

vodkaredbullgirl · 20/02/2022 05:48

Step away sort your life out.

Buildingthefuture · 20/02/2022 07:39

How lovely. Pull your head out of your arse op. Your behaviour is selfish, entitled and cruel. Your post is all about you, without a single thought for your husband, DC or his wife. Actions have consequences. Stop this shit now, dig deep, find your integrity and do the right thing. That might be getting rid of OM and concentrating on your marriage or it might be leaving the marriage. Whatever, just don’t be scummy and deceitful about it.

Kittykat93 · 20/02/2022 07:42

Honestly I understand how you feel but take it from me - stop what you're doing right now. It will end in disaster. You need to look at why you're so unhappy in your marriage that you're actively looking elsewhere. If you decide you want to leave then do that before you cheat.

rainbowstardrops · 20/02/2022 07:43

I think you're lucky he left early because you're playing with fire and would have been badly burnt.
Sort your marriage out by either fixing things or walking away but don't take it any further with OM unless you're both single.

Original poster

StrangerThings85 · 20/02/2022 08:04

100% agree with all of your comments. I realise how shitty I have been, and obviously extremely selfish. I'm cutting contact now to focus on my family. I've never felt this low and I'm feeling really shameful I've let it get to this.

OP posts:

Bullandbush · 20/02/2022 08:13

Having a crush is horrible
It hits you like a train.
Luckily most of us just look back with embarrassment at how we felt and glad we got through it with no harm done on either side.

OP you're extremely fortunate that the guy left.
You would have felt so much worse if something had happened.
Your other work colleagues will absolutely know what's going on they're not stupid.
So stop messaging the guy and concentrate on your marriage or end it properly first.

Monty27 · 20/02/2022 08:20

No wonder you're feeling low to go so low. That's not you otherwise you wouldn't post about it.
Draw a line under it and do the right thing the right way. Be proud of yourself always. And take care of yourself too OP 💐

MrMrsJones · 20/02/2022 08:26

I think he was enjoying the ego boost and when he realised it was going to get real backed off.

Wake up, you are both married, so would you tell his wife and kids you fancy her husband and their dad face to face, NOPE

Put your energy into your own marriage or leave.

NoNameNoGane · 20/02/2022 09:55

@StrangerThings85

100% agree with all of your comments. I realise how shitty I have been, and obviously extremely selfish. I'm cutting contact now to focus on my family. I've never felt this low and I'm feeling really shameful I've let it get to this.

This is positive OP Your behaviour with this man has been regrettable, but it's not too late to focus on your real life and let go of this fantasy. I am glad that you have come to your senses just in time, before you do something irreversible. I strongly believe that you opened yourself up to the firing squad by starting this thread because you wanted a reality check. Well done for taking that step. Equally, I believe that the man from work left early last night because he had also come to his senses and didn't want to risk anything happening.

haikyew · 20/02/2022 10:01

Anytime a male
Asks me if I use Snapchat
Immediate block

Richtea2 · 20/02/2022 15:58

@StrangerThings85

Hello,

As the title goes I'm feeling pretty stupid and vulnerable. I'm married with a small child and I let my guard down with a guy I really like at work. Since my child came along I haven't been myself and I suffered PND and even now I have moments where I'm really not happy in my marriage. Anyway, this guy at work just ticks all of the right boxes. Physically and his personality, just sparked a huge crush. He's my coworker and we started chatting before Xmas on Instagram and then a few weeks ago it turned to Snapchat. It's been non-stop, and it's crossed a line. To the point we had a work night last night and I went in the hopes something would happen. But it didn't and he left really early to which I was massively surprised and I'm left feeling kind of shit. His best mate was really drunk and he left to take him home. He didn't say anything to me about why he was going. I messaged him and he explained that's why he left but I'm feeling rejected and like an idiot. He messaged me a couple of times after to spark a conversation but I'm feeling upset and like an idiot. He has again just messaged asking what time I got in.

I know I'm an idiot, I'm aware I'm married, he's married too but I really thought we had a connection. Please don't feel me off, I feel stupid as it is. I guess I'm writing this so I have a reality check. What an idiot I am x

Your not an idiot.

Just think about if you still want to continue with your marriage. It sounds like you want out of it. Looking to another man won't help it just makes everything worse.

Sometimes men just draw you in and back off. Especially when they kind of pick up your catching feeling. The best thing is distance yourself from this guy at work. Talk to your husband about the issues.

SunflowerTed · 20/02/2022 19:05

@StrangerThings85

100% agree with all of your comments. I realise how shitty I have been, and obviously extremely selfish. I'm cutting contact now to focus on my family. I've never felt this low and I'm feeling really shameful I've let it get to this.

Dont beat yourself up but if you feel so shit about last night save yourself from further heartache as this WILL not end well if you go for the thrill and it all blows up in your face. Because it will! Leave it here!!! Xxx

Hopefullyoneday12 · 20/02/2022 19:50

You aren't an idiot.
We all get crushes now and again. Well, many of us do.
Just because you're married doesn't mean these things don't happen. You haven't physically cheated yet, so count this as a bit of luck that he did leave. It gives you more time to think?
It can be really fun and flattering having the attention of someone. But what you like about him is probably just an idea of him that you've fabricated in your mind. The reality of seeing this man would be stressful, difficult and full of upset. It just can't go well.
Perhaps he left to a) be a good friend and b) because when it comes down to it, although he's tempted to stray he doesn't want to cheat.

I wouldn't take it at all personally or as a rejection. It isn't. He is married and not everyone is cut out for an affair when it comes down to it.

Feel this sadness of losing a connection (and a bit of fun away from mundane life) and make peace with yourself and consider how you would like your life to look going forward and what you can do to get there. Best not to be rash in the heat of the moment.

Georgeskitchen · 20/02/2022 20:08

You're not the first and you won't be the last. We are all human and sometimes we need a little ego boost, especially when.life is a bit of a drudge. Try and concentrate on your marriage, eventually he will winder what you ever saw in him!!

5128gap · 20/02/2022 21:55

Reality check: If he wanted something to happen he'd have stuck his mate in a taxi and stayed. A man prepared to cheat on his wife is hardly the type to look out for a mate at the expense of the opportunity. My guess is he is a bit bored and the flirting is a bit of excitement that makes him feel good. The same as for you probably. I think it was the best possible outcome from the night. You got away lightly, no one made fool of themselves or anyone else, so no harm done.

Sonaftersonafterson · 20/02/2022 23:01

He got cold feet. He enjoys the flirting, like you do, but probably realised you expected something to happen last night, given the messaging etc. The fact it didnt is good and speaks volumes, from his side.

Problem is, he is very likely to continue the flirting and messages. What are you going to do about that, you work together, you need to think about how to cool this off with him.

No more snapchat!!!