I've been divorced for a little while now. A long marriage with 3 kids. I'm early 40s if that's relevant.
Most days I am fine but today, something he said has stuck with me and i just dont know if I'm right or wrong anymore. I know it doesn't matter but, I just can't see straight.
One of the reasons I left hubby, apart from some online indiscretions, was because of his temper. He never hit me. But hes a big guy and if everything wasnt "ok" and calm, he was moody and irritable. I worked hard to make sure things were tidy at home and that the kids didnt annoy him when he got in from work. He would sit in the front room have dinner watch TV and then sleep. Rinse and repeat for years but generally, a happy relationship and he was kind to me most of the time, good provider, generally nice enough guy. But i hated having to make sure nothing was messy (even though he was!), that the kids didnt scream and shout when he got in. I dealt with everything like all mums do. House, kids, pets, my job, everything. All he did was work. I even served him his dinner every night.
Anyway whenever we had a row which wasn't often but when it did happen, he would always shout, hold his breath and look at me as if to say "shut up or I'll kick off" or, if I didn't stop, would indeed kick off by smashing things. A door, a table, whatever was close by. This always stopped me. I wasnt scared of him but then kids would get so upset it broke me! So i would shut up, just to smooth things over for them.
He always did this. Every row ended like this. A row could never just be a verbal argument, he always always had to smash something in pure temper.
I told him this in a Frank conversation yesterday in answer to his question of why cant we try again?
Now I'm torn. Should I try again. He did make me happy sometimes, I do love him, we were together for over 20 years. Is this enough of a reason? Was it abuse? I was never ever scared and he never hit me. I was just worried for the kids, that they'd be upset by the smashing up and seeing me cry. This would only happen maybe once a year though, the big argument, all other times were generally ok although he is controlling and he cant handle stress at all and that's what makes him explode sometimes.
He says though, all other areas, he was ok. That's kind of true, except he never contributed anything apart from money to the family. Always plenty of money but never any time for them. Work came first, always.
I'm so mixed up. Can anyone help me?