First couples therapy session - what to expect?

[therapynerves]

NC for this.

H and I have our first couples therapy session in a couple of weeks. I already feel really nervous about it. I am pretty certain I want to split. I am pretty sure he wants to stay together.

We have terrible (i.e. non existent) communication about our relationship and it's been like that for a long time - there's years and years of unspoken hurt and resentment on my part at least.

What should I expect from the first session? Should I plan what I want to say? I do not like not knowing what's going to happen!

Hopeful bump for the evening crowd! 🙂

Hey. The counsellor will very much lead the session. I don't know how your particular one will operate but they might, for example, ask each of you to explain why you want to be there. What do you hope to get out of therapy? Once you've done this they can then pick up on things each of you have said and go from there. Generally there's an emphasis on your own feelings and what your issues with the relationship are.
Try not to plan it too much. The therapist is there to take you through it all. Just be honest

Thank you @Nosnogginginthekitchen

I've done quite a bit of individual therapy so I know generally how therapy and therapists tend to work. I'm just really anxious and unsettled about the couple dynamic, especially after so long of quite deliberately avoiding talking about how we feel and how things are. I guess it's going to make several years of stuff that's only been in my head come out into the open. It feels really scary!!

It is scary. For me it was too little too late but it was helpful to have someone there alongside me as it all fell apart. What do you want to get out of it, ideally?

I think you both get an opportunity to shape the scope of the session. If it were me I would ask ' What problem are we trying to solve here?' You both may have different problems to solve. Exiting the relationship, fixing communication etc.

Ideally, ultimately I want to be able to separate as amicably as possible. I think I want H to hear and accept how hurt I am and have been over the years.

How did it go @therapynerves ? We are just starting out in same situ and I'm concerned it's going to bring everything to the surface in a irreparable way. I'd rather fix the relationship if possible.