Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pregnant, my ex and I have broken up

4 replies

MumToBe22 · 19/02/2022 10:12

I was with my ex for 7 months (off & on) I fell pregnant around 4 months into the relationship. We had broken up for about 2 weeks but got back together as soon as I told him I was pregnant. We were constantly arguing, I was literally crying everyday!! When we were arguing and I was upset i started texting him big messages telling him how I felt..he would block me everytime because he couldn't be bothered with the 'drama' , I felt as if I was unheard of. Everything was my fault. He said I was crazy and mental and I would have to wrap it. He still continued to tell me that he cared and said it was always him making effort with me. I feel like he wasn't supportive emotionally whatsoever ? One minute he was telling me he would be taking care of me & the baby then the next he said he wanted nothing to do with me but would still take care of the baby when it was here. One minute he would say the baby is his - told all his family he's going to be a dad! then next minute he started to threaten me with paternity tests. I told him I would take a DNA test - though I think he knows it's his he just wants any excuse to make me look bad! I do love but he's hurt me so much 💔I know he'll be thinking everything is my fault as he never seems to take the blame for his actions. He has said some horrible things to me when we broke up.. I could not stop crying that day and he told me 'Youve brought it on yourself and it's your fault'

OP posts:
OldDocs · 19/02/2022 10:15

You need to step away from this man. Concentrate on yourself, your pregnancy and your baby.

There's not really an alternative.

Esspee · 19/02/2022 21:24

You are going to be a single mum. Come to terms with it and build a life for your child that doesn't include him. Do not put him as the father on the birth certificate.

SunflowerTed · 19/02/2022 21:41

Zzzzzz

Kangaroodance · 19/02/2022 21:51

Yep the best advice up above - do not put him on the birth certificate at all! Also, you should give the baby your surname, not his. You do not want to give this idiot anymore of a hold over you by having him on the birth certificate and/or his surname.

He has treated you shockingly bad and he isn't going to change no matter how much you try to get him to and hope that he does. I am not trying to be nasty in being so blunt so I apologise if it seems that way I just do not like seeing women going through this with the thought that if only they could get him to see etc then everything would be okay. As he knows full well what he is doing but that is him. He knows he is messing with your head and he will be enjoying it.

You need to concentrate on your pregnancy and focus on your growing baby. You do not need the stress from him and risk any of that possibly affecting the baby. Also little ones do not need this kind of turbulent situation in their lives with a so called father coming and going as and when he feels like it in the family home.

I know it is very tempting to send him messages but I wouldn't. If you need to get it out then you could type it out on the note section on your phone that way you're not feeding his ego by messaging him and also ending up hurt in the process and arguing starting etc. Definitely do not save as a draft text as it is so very easy to send by accident!

I know it so hard but you need to come to terms with being a single parent. If he suddenly becomes civil and able to talk to you properly then you could always send updates regarding the pregnancy but only if he asks otherwise he will likely paint you as the obsessed one who won't leave him alone and you also do not need to affected emotionally again by him if he doesn't respond or if he messages something nasty.

You do not need him there at the birth. You need support for you and he isn't it. Nor is he reliable. No matter what he says and no doubts attempts to make it all about him don't fall for it. Also scans and other appts I would go alone also.

Once baby is here Definitely apply for maintenance officially and don't go down the informal route as he will likely take the piss and mess about with that also and you don't need the added stress of that.

Enjoy your pregnancy and honestly please don't waste anymore time on him. You could also block his number in the meantime if he is messaging nastily or calls etc as you don't need it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread