Credit card - any of your business ?

[GeneLovesJezebel]

Is your DH/DW’s credit card bill any of your business ?

@GeneLovesJezebel

Unfortunately the collection has been growing without me knowing, and in fact I’d say he’s become quite sneaky/devious about it.

This sounds like the hobby has become an addiction.

I would suggest making an appointment with the bank (for you on your own) and work out how best to protect yourself.

I'd probably tell him a joint account isn't working for you, agree to have individual accounts going forward and assign household bills to one or the other of you.

Unfortunately you can't trust him not to spend what should be household money on his own interests that don't benefit the family. He knows this - otherwise he wouldn't be hiding it.

@GeneLovesJezebel

I assume it’s so I don’t see what he’s spending, although he’d probably come up with some reason as to why it’s ok to do it. I was going in a cupboard in the garage recently and he tried to stop me as there was something he’d bought in there, and he didn’t want me to see it.

Now I know MN loves to jump to conclusions but I would be worried about the secrecy element here.

Is this hobby Warcraft/war hammer/figurines?

I think it’s because he knows I won’t be happy with how much he’s spending. We agreed some years ago for him to not use the CC for anything other than big purchases where we need the insurance, such as holidays. Now he’s got two CC’s.
I asked him to take a set amount out of the joint current account every month , to spend on himself, but he doesn’t do that.

That's the start of a very slippery slope.

I've done the ultimate MN sin and just showed my husband this thread. DH has a very expensive hobby too so he says he totally gets where your DH is coming from but the overspending is a problem. Unless he's paying it all off in full each month from his own share of the joint money?

If your joint account is paying off the debt, then it is.
If he paid it off in full each month from his separate finances, then not really.

He is paying money from either our joint current or savings account. If it’s paid off in full, I don’t know.

You really need to take a stand.

He needs to know the joint account and savings aren't paying for this anymore. He needs to reign it in until the debt is paid off then he takes x amount each month and uses it for whatever he wants. After you've cut up the credit cards!

I’ve just had a look and he’s taken out over £3000 in the last 4 months.
Some of that is Xmas presents for his family, but that’s ridiculous and not the way I want to live.

Sorry if I seem over invested in this thread (I'm ill so too much time on my hands today!)

I think you have to have a serious talk with him. Enough is enough and he's hiding debts.

Obvious thing to do is make sure it's all on a 0% card, work out a sensible repayment plan and do it. Reality though is he's going to have to accept a huge fall in spending.

You're really going to have to take control because he clearly can't.

I’ve just had a look and he’s taken out over £3000 in the last 4 months.
Some of that is Xmas presents for his family, but that’s ridiculous and not the way I want to live.

So that's averaging £750 PER MONTH ! On HIS 'hobby' ? (The whole of December's £750 got spent on presents for his family ? Well, he's very generous !) What did he get you for Christmas by the way ?

Where's your £750 per month to spend as you like ? Oh, that's right, there's not enough money in the bank is there ?

He's secretive about the spending and has pretty much hidden the items he buys. Why ? Because he knows you'll be cross.

Your relationship seems to have gone parent / child.

Him using joint bank account money AND savings to fund his hobby is pretty much theft. (Yes I know it's joint property but the secrecy of it seems like theft.) Does he not want a future with you ?

He veered off of the agreed amount to spend each month and got a couple of credit cards. Sounds like he's rebelling in a very juvenile way.

He resents only getting an agreed amount of spends from the joint account. Which is why he got a couple of credit cards so he could spend up as much as he wanted without you commenting. Then the cheeky bastard uses joint bank account and savings money to pay for things that are for his entertainment. He needs to grow up. Tell him this behaviour is undermining your trust in him. He's probably past caring tbh. Good luck.

Demand to see the items that he's purchased. How much did they cost ? How long is he planning on keeping them ?

Investment my arse. He will never sell them. It's a form of hoarding.

He told me last summer that he was going to start selling in September, I asked again in September and got a rather ‘short’ reply that he was going to sell some. And there’s more arriving, none sold.
He has past history of occasionally really getting ‘into’ something, spending money on it, then going off it. I’d say it’s a sort of addiction, it seems to run with his anxiety.
To be honest I’m just fed up with fighting it. He has every right to privacy apparently, but that means him using our savings. I personally don’t think that’s right.

If I ask he gets irritated with me, so I daren’t ask any more. I’m not frightened of him, I just can’t be doing with the aggro. It’s one of many reasons I’d like to divorce, then he can spend what he wants.

@hidingmystatus

In a marriage (without considering divorce) money is only joint if it is in a JOINT account or on a JOINT credit card. If the account/credit card is in a single name then legally the money/debt is only attributable to the person whose name is on it. Marriage does NOT mean that everything automatically becomes joint. That has not been the law since 1882.

No such thing as a joint credit card in the UK. It's in one name and that person is responsible for the debt. You can give a second card to someone else but that doesn't make it 'joint' - only the person named on the card can be chased by the bank for the cash.

He almost sounds like a hoarder with his collections if he won't sell some to repay the debt.

Interesting that you mention divorce. I'm guessing this is one of many issues in the marriage?

Time to start divving up finances I think!

Why don’t you just withdraw half plus 3000 from the savings now? You seem very passive - can’t ask him, can’t do anything. He’s stolen thousands from you and I would make sure I have all my money back in my accounts, you will need it for lawyers and your dc.

It’s one of many reasons I’d like to divorce, then he can spend what he wants

If it's got to that stage - I'm thinking of the "many" - it may be worth considering, but if you do this be careful he doesn't clean out absolutely everything in order to have a fund for future purchases

Yes it's very much your business even with seperate accounts.

What is your DH/DW spending on a credit card that you are unable to know about it? It could cause a problem for you in the future if it spirals.

Not just that why are you married if you don't feel you can speak about large purchases?