Tell me your amazing stories of life after divorce

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Finally, after so long, a few weeks ago found the courage to leave my husband. Initial relief has been taken over by a panic about whether I’ve done the right thing, and huge sadness. We have two primary aged DC.

Tonight I just suddenly feel really sad and overwhelmed. We’ve been muddling along for years and I’ve had long periods of wanting out, but the last year or so it’s been a constant thing. I wouldn’t go as far as abusive but he isn’t an easy man to be with. Many issues. So I shouldn’t be doubting myself, but I am. I do t think I really am…maybe the adrenaline has worn off?

I was excited about this before it happened. Now I’m just scared and terrified I’ll be lonely forever.

Tell me about how amazing your life is post-divorce and your 40s. What do I DO now?!

Sorry to be clear - I wasn’t excited about separating. I was weirdly excited about life afterwards. Now it just seems terrifying.

You find you. Assuming he'll take the kids some of the time. It is scary at first but you put one foot in front of the other and keep doing the next right thing. I am twice divorced. The first one was the easiest as he was like an additional child and I ended up finding him physically repulsive so living without him was cheaper and easier all round. The second one was abusive but I still loved him and he told me I wouldn't cope. Of course I coped. I got single friends, loveliest friends ever and took up stuff that I'd let slip and new stuff. Running, hiking, socialising. There aren't enough hours in the day for all the stuff I want to do. My kids are thriving and happy. I am happy and my happiness isn't contingent on someone else which is a wonderful gift. Congratulations

I can only mirror what @moirarosebabay said, and she said perfectly - you find you. It’s taken me 4 years to grow into myself after divorce, but I am happy, my child is thriving, confident, and secure. I travel lots, dedicate a lot of time to my yoga practice (and have met lovely people through that). Physically, I take good care of myself - a small thing, but I got my ears pierced after divorce and love wearing lovely earrings. I just couldn’t be arsed looking after myself during the death of my marriage. I feel really quite free, but it’s been a process to get there. One of the first things I did was to get on the dating apps. That taught me I wasn’t ready for a relationship but also what I don’t want in a man. Other advantages include having control over your space. You’ll feel like a weight has been lifted once you divorce but be kind to yourself. I asked my lovey nanny (who has been with me since my divorce) how she perceives me now compared with when she first joined me. She said glowing and that I’ve come out of my angry and low phase. That was nice to hear.

I think back to how I was when I was married for a long time as a Sahm, lost confidence because I was at home all day, I never had my own money and all I had was what he gave me to do the food shopping with, I had so much credit card debt because I couldn't feel I could ask him for anything, he was a creep and and never trusted him. I had no confidence, I was too shy to tell the waiter in the restaurant what I wanted to eat!
He left me and divorced me and it's best thing that's happened, 3 years later I'm in a new home, I've got a career, working full time and I'm doing well at it, I'm debt free and I can buy what I want. I have dreams for the future. I have so much more confidence and belief in myself.

At first I did desperately try on dating apps to find a new partner but that wasn't successful I seemed to only attract duds, although the attention was nice, that men still find me attractive in my 40s. I have no idea if I'll ever find a decent man but I won't drop my standards to have any man, he would have to be special for me to settle.

Initially it was rough but very very quickly got much better

• both XDH and I are happily remarried to people who are much nicer and better for us
• I don’t have to have anything to do with XDH any more

Yup it’s scary, and it won’t all be great, but miserable marriage is a truly miserable, bad thing for everyone concerned. You’ll be great.

Good luck with it all. It’s daunting but you can do it!

A year since leaving, I have my own (small) place I’m doing up gradually. My two boys are settled and doing well. Their dad, my ex, lives 10mins walk away, and we are really good co-parents. I have a new boyfriend who I adore with whom I have lots in common. I’m terms of my emotions, it’s like night and day. I’m so much happier…

I keep saying I've recently split from h but it's been a few months now although we did try again for a few days here and there. I've finally got my head around it and I'm looking forward to the future.

I've found writing my fears down has really helped. It's not journalling, it's not digging deep and doing soul searching just simply writing I have fear of/because and then writing, I reason these fears.

I also meditate every morning and night.

I went through a bit of an identity crisis and felt like I needed an eat pray love journey but now I'm actually OK. I think it's just a process you have to go through OP. I've got a lovely year planned with my and my dc and friends. I've got my head around the upcoming divorce (April 6th for no fault) and that I don't need him. I really needed him last weekend but of course I couldn't ask him and after I was like Yes! I did it on my own! And it was a great feeling not a sad feeling.

I have left my husband almost 2 years ago. He is gay although he says he is not (haha). I announced at work that I was divorcing and OMG I was flooded with men asking me out on a date or people saying that have single friends/relatives/siblings. I went on a date with a colleague and after FWB relationship we started to have a full on love. We currently live together and bought a house together. My kids adore him and he loves them. My ex-husband is very nice and coparent without any problems. Love is great

I divorced aged 36 (no children), it was fairly amicable as we didn't have anything of any significance together.

I went on to have a child on my own via IVF and a sperm donor aged 39. I'm lucky fertility treatment worked as I'd wasted the best part of my 30s in a failing relationship/marriage and could have misses out on motherhood had I stayed in the marriage any longer. I can't see myself marrying again, I enjoy my independence too much and really don't want to intertwine finances and housing with anyone again. I'd happily date though and be emotionally committed...