off as a reply to the other recent thread from a lady whose husband is drinking a lot.
I realised that actually, I should probably start a thread of my own rather than jump on hers, as I could really do with some help deciding what to do...
I could do with some handholding as I just can't seem to follow through with splitting with my partner.
A brief bit of history; we rent on a joint tenancy, are engaged, I have three children (not his), we've been together for 7 years and he's drunk heavily since we first started going out. We've had quite a rocky relationship, mainly due to the drinking and his lack of interest in my children. He doesn't parent them, he isn't really all that warm towards them, although he does drive us around as I don't drive, hoovers, washes up and cooks. The rest of the chores are mine.
He spends most of his time playing the xbox and opens a beer (bottle) as soon as we get in from the school run, he has three of those plus 2 bottles of red wine (always buys the 14%!) every evening.
The trouble is, I drink too (a couple of ciders every evening that he drinks) as it feels like it helps me ignore how much he's drinking. I ALWAYS say that we (he, as I wouldn't drink if he wasn't) need to cut down to only Friday a day Saturday drinking (I'd rather we stopped completely but hope that just weekends would be a start) but it gets to Sunday and he asks if I fancy a drink, I'm unable to say no as I feel guilty, so we do, then the same happens on Monday, rinse and repeat.
This week, I suggested a drink on Monday with a takeaway as it was valentines day (now I'm making excuses to drink and hate myself for that!), so we did, then we didn't drink on Tuesday and I was glad he didn't mention it. Yesterday comes around and he asks if I fancied a cider that evening.
I flipped and said we had to split, we spent the evening apart and are semi speaking now, but he told me he was confused as one day I suggest a cider but when he suggests "a midweek drink and giving up until Friday and Saturday", I go off on one.
He says I'm giving mixed signals.
Am I part of the problem here? I wonder whether I should give the relationship another 6 months or so, telling him that I want him to make a real effort to stop drinking or at least cut down, and stop drinking myself to reinforce the message. Then see whether he sticks to it.
What do you think?
PS - for reference, what usually happens with us (and has done for the last 7 years) is he drinks 2 bottles of wine and 3 beers on a Friday and a Saturday, I join in with my 2 ciders and 'snacks' each day, then I say I don't want to drink on Sunday. He agrees, then sunday night asks if a fancy a cider. I agree as I know he will feel bad if I say no. He enjoys drinking obviously and says its boring if he isn't drinking.
This then happens every single day of the week. Every sunday I say the following week we have to try and drink only on a Friday and Saturday and he agrees, until Sunday evening.
Every now and again he does have a couple of days off and doesn't seem to have headaches, sweats or anything like that.
He is self employed but things are slow and spends all day at home with me when he's not working, so I know he isn't drinking more than I know about.
I'll stop typing now. Apologies in advance for the disordered post but I'm no confused as to what to do, made worse by the fact he isn't 'officially' self employed, has awful credit and barely any money, as his business is very slow at the moment. So if he does move out he will struggle to find anywhere else to rent,and has already said he won't find a flat, he will only choose to live in a specific type of place; a rented room in someone's house, which I also feel bad about. If he would rent a flat I'd almost feel better about splitting up as then he'd have his own space, as he does here.