I know the answer really but I need to hear it from someone as my head all over the place. Please be kind as I'm in bits.
Been with partner 3 years, engaged , was trying for a baby.
Found out on my birthday last year he was messaging someone he used to work with and paid them for their adult videos content on my birthday and when she asked if he was still with me he said no. He also says he wishes he asked her out. This fizzled out when he realised she only wanted his money and he has none.
Next one on his birthday after I had booked a weekend away for us he replies to someone that he isn't engaged when they asked about his status update and he replies a friend hacked into his fb to make him seem more alluring as who would want him.
Next one he planned on meeting a old flame and the usual messages of he wishes things had been different crap and regrets etc
He planned on meeting her on a day he was viewing a house we were thinking of relocating nearer his family hundreds of miles away and he denies that they actually met and she cancelled on him but the intent of him seeing her on a day he was viewing a house we had been offered and I would have uprooted myself and my child hundreds of miles away.
He says a small part of him was going to go with not knowing what would happen but it was about catching up with a old friend who wasn't in a good place.
All of these things he did coincide at significant time periods in our life which hurts even more. Even if I believe he didn't meet up with old flame telling 2 different people he wasn't with someone and paying for adult content on my birthday is just the ultimate disrespect.
There is no going back from this is there really?