Relationship Money

[KSB26]

Just looking for opinions please… so I’ve been with my partner for 4 1/2 years, we both have our own houses and still haven’t made the step to commit fully / move in together. I have a child at home with me, he has a child he sees alternate weekends.
So he’s been working out of the country since end of last summer and earning quite a substantial amount of money.. he came back for Christmas and as he’s let his house out he then stayed with me for the 6 weeks or so he was home plus with his child. He helped out by paying for food shopping and also towards my youngest child’s Christmas presents.
I work but live month by month so never have spare money each month. He went back for another few months and I’m struggling a bit financially - so my question is would you expect - given the length of our relationship etc - he could or even should offer to help me out a bit / every now and then financially?? Before he went he said he’d send me X amount of money but it never happened.. he then said if we were living together then he would… i don’t mean money to live off / rely on but given how he knows I struggle and I’m now on my own and plus how rubbish it is holding on in this long distance relationship should he be helping me out financially? I don’t mean that to sound like he should pay me to sit and wait, but I’m left thinking what an I going through this all for with there being no big commitment.. It’s difficult to word but I feel given he’s earning a lot of money, he knows I struggle and in all the time he’s been away he’s never once said here’s some dollar go treat yourself or asked if I’m ok for money.

I think what also brought this on was he wants me to post some things out to him - I said he might need to send me the money as I’ve no spare cash and he said “I’ll send you the fiver it won’t be much more”… I felt quite insulted but I literally have no spare cash either so would have to embarrassingly ask for the £5 to pay the postage 😩 I just feel a bit confused and wondering if I’m wrong for even expecting or hoping he might help me out. I’m just confused and probably miserable sat here in my own wondering what for.
Thanks
Ps I’m new so please be kind

@NewbieSM

Op if the money is not for living expenses then what do you need it for? Why are you now struggling financially? Have there been a change in circumstances?

I think because you don't live together or share children then no he is not obligated to give you money. Now if you want to ask to help you that is up to you but expecting him to offer is silly. You don't ask you don't get.

When he stayed with you he paid for the food shopping and contributed to your sons gifts so his being there did not cost you anything extra?

Now the long distance thing and lack of forward progression is a different matter, if you are unhappy about this then absolutely think carefully about continuing this relationship

I don't get it either. If he didn't exist, what would you be doing? You've both chosen to be legally single people - not married or committed to each other so why would you expect him to be contributing to your own living costs. Makes much more sense for him to invest his money on what he wants/on his child.

A lot of your living costs would be directly or indirectly due to your child OP and the child isn't his so he can't be expected to pay towards that. You should be following up with the child's own dad to pick up the costs.

Personally I wouldn't be in such a relationship. Either we properly commit to each other and get married or we split. There's no way I'd be letting a man use me for a casual set up benefits only relationship which is what you currently have @KSB26

Are there ways that you could increase your income? Do you work? If so, could you do more hours/re train to do a better paid job? If you're on benefits then could you look to getting a job? If you are on benefits then any money he might give you should be declared really so that wouldn't really benefit you anyway. Look to see how you can improve your finances - its not his job to help you out financially.

I don’t think he’s meant to be giving you any money. You’re not living together, you don’t have a child together, you live separate lives really. It’ll be nice if he gives you gifts though I wouldn’t expect money.
If he has to come and stay with you for some weeks again, set the expectation before the visit, tell him what you expect him to contribute for things it’ll cost you to accommodate him and his child’s visit.

He brought himself and his DC there for 6 weeks.
You saved him the cost of having to get a hotel during holiday season.

Your water, electric would have been more with them there too.

Sure he bought groceries but it's likely he ate most of them anyway.

It's nearly 5 years, where is this relationship going?

What is his gift giving like?
Does he take you out places? Holidays together?

It would have been nice to give you something for the 6 weeks.