I have nc for this.
I just need some support. I have been married over a decade, two kids. Things now are very bad and I am considering leaving. What never comes up in current conversations is something that is really important, and I haven't even told my friends or family.
There was something very traumatic at the start of the marriage that I don't think I've been able to recover from. I had a miscarriage and was very up and down emotionally and he hit me. Then, when I was frightened, he stopped me from leaving, and I had to call the police. He talked his way out of it, and there were no repercussions. He has never liked to speak of it since.
I have never recovered, though. I was never able to tell anyone about the miscarriage as it was tied up with this, and I have never been able to overcome the feeling of fear, and what he did. We've gone on, and I totally buried it. However I think this is what ruined my marriage from the start (and he has carried on with versions nothing quite as bad as this initial behaviour).
I suppose my question is, do you think it's understandable that this initial event over a decade ago could still be a present reason to end things, and to make me feel so awful inside? I feel like, being honest, it is the reason. I just want to know what you think. Lots of friends are sympathetic I am in marriage difficulty, but I don't think they understand this isn't a standard 'falling apart' and so on. I feel shaky just typing this out.