DS’s dad wants to see him after 2 years no contact

[Elephantgrey]

I left my husband when DS was 1 year old due to domestic abuse. When I first left I was advised to allow him to have supervised contact as DS was so tiny. He stopped seeing him over lockdown and has not now seen him since before his second birthday.

2 years on we are getting divorced and he has stalled at every negotiation. His solicitor advised him to agree to the financial settlement as I asked for a lot less than I could have done. He kept making excuses. Now he has sent me a letter saying he wants to see our child. I genuinely don’t know what to do.

He hasn’t seen him for more than half his life and DS does not remember him. What would you do?

So sorry this has happened to you. You say he was violent? Then I would not allow him to see his son, whatever he wants or says

I would not want a violent man around my child.

Stall.

Make him it difficult.

Suggest he proves to a judge he is suitable

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to see him.

I am worried about letting him take me to court as he will probably get some kind of contact. I don’t know how to explain it to DS.

He will certainly get contact of some kind if it went to court even abusive exes generally get some kind of contact even if it’s supervised

If they said supervised, then there was none for 2 years I would bet he got some contact in a contact centre to start . Does he pay Cms? As much as dc aren't pay per view a judge would frown on non payment.. Would he travel to a centre time and time again for little 'return' - can't imagine dc would be so welcoming to a stranger...

I supervised it myself because I didn’t want to be blamed for parental alienation. He stopped contacting me. I don’t know if he will keep it up but I have to explain to my child that his dad who is a complete stranger wants to see him and then if he stops again I will have to explain that too.

I don’t even know if he actually wants to see him or if he is just asking because he wants to make the divorce more difficult.

Offer supervised contact in a contact centre

Supervised contact in a contact centre. Tell him he needs to be responsible for getting it sorted.

You will be able to drop DS off and they will supervise whilst Ex is there. You can then pick DS up and not have to engage with ex at all

It could well be a negotiation tactic from him so you reduce the financial settlement further.

That's why you should offer supervised contact in an approved centre.

Demonstrates you're not alienating him but your child will be safe and you won't have to see him.

There's a very good chance that if you offer he won't take you up on it, but if he does it's a safe and effective way to manage contact.