He was stalking me. Everywhere I went he was there a few feet away with a hood and facemask. Just like he did when I finally managed to get rid of him. It was terrifying and all day I have been fraught with anxiety. It’s like there is a lump of pure panic in my chest.
The thing is, it’s ridiculous. I left him 18 years ago. I haven’t seen him since he broke into my house 15 years ago. I realised that he was a danger to my dc and packed up the kids, moved out of the city and we have lived pretty much happily ever after. It was a terrifyingly abusive relationship, I’ve never been able to speak frankly about it all as it would hurt the people close to me that they didn’t know how bad it was but it’s so far in the past now. I got through it and am now married to man to whom it wouldn’t even occur to do the things ex did to me with the most wonderful children who make me proud.
I know why he’s on my mind, my dd (20) decided to try and contact him. I’d always told the dc I would support them if they ever wanted to contact him but, unfortunately and predictably, he told her to fuck off and it was my fault that he was telling her to fuck off. DH and I are supporting her ensuring her that she is adored and it’s his loss. She’s furious that how he has chosen to speak about me but ultimately glad that she did so she doesn’t have the ‘what if’s. She’s handling it with such Grace where as I’ve gotten myself into such a state. She and other dc have no idea, dh knows that I had a dream that upset me but not how much.
I don’t suppose there is a magic method where I can just forget about it and go back to my normal self. It’s so pathetic, many women have had it far worse then I did and can carry themselves without getting themselves into the ridiculous state that I have over something that I haven’t suffered for 15 years.