How will it be when the kids are gone ?

[GeneLovesJezebel]

Following on from the thread about fantasising about being alone, do you ever think about how it will be when you alone without the kids, just the two of you ?

All the time, and it scares the bejesus out of me. Just got to keep in gainful employment...

I always thought we’d travel and have days out together, but now I can’t imagine it just being me and him day after day.
I get to go to work now, but if I don’t have that I’d go insane !

Yes. Mine are mid teen now and dh and I started thinking about this a year or two ago and making a real effort to reconnect with our relationship as a couple not just as a family.

There was definitely a moment when I realised that Id been so fixated with the kids, him with work and both of us on just getting from day to day that we were in danger of drifting apart. And that, in a few years,what would be left would be the two of us as the kids go off and forge new lives of their own. So we did need a bit of a change of focus. It's definitely easier to find time to do stuff as a twosome now the kids are teens and are off doing their own things anyway.

I think about this sometimes too and worry. We were okay before children though so sometimes I'm not sure why I now think like this. What is it about your husband that you don't like/why don't you like being around him?

When my first dh and I bought a house he mentioned one day we would just need a bungalow. I physically shuddered. Didn't last a year in that house..
Remarried and will be more than happy just us.
As long as we have ddogs.
Will need some decent conversations!!

We had a long time together before DC, living together and then married for 12 years, and we are both quite independent with separate friendship groups and interests, so it’s not something that worries me too much.

I think it's never "just you and him" unless that's what you want it to be.

As your kids become more independent you will probably spend more time on your friendships and interests.

And you will also probably develop relationships with your kids as adults. Maybe you will have grandchildren.

If you give up work maybe you will find your life enriched by volunteering.

If not then it's also a time when people do leave unhappy relationships which is probably a healthy way forward.

Yep...and that was one of the big reasons I ended my marriage! I am so glad I did it 18 months before the lockdowns, I would have died inside had I had to spend all that time with him!