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Original poster

Do I stay..or do I go….?

19 replies

ChooseYourUsernameWisely · 15/02/2022 21:26

I’m downstairs watching TV, he’s upstairs on his iPad. It’s an arrangement that works for us. I work Monday to Friday part time 30 hours, he works Thursday to Monday so we don’t see much of one another In the week, except evenings of course. I like walking for hours…he’d rather stay in. We rarely fall out, I can’t be arsed if I’m honest, sex hasn’t happened for around two/three years, I’m not bothered now. He’s the cook in the house and I hate cooking, he’s good with helping with stuff ( as long as it’s not housework).
I feel like I’m living with my brother or something, but don’t want to hurt him if I left him. One DD at home, ASD and ADHD he’s good with her.
I’m just so confused with it all. I feel pangs of happiness sometimes but other times just so alone.
Is this normal, is this a good marriage?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/02/2022 21:28

It wouldn't be good for me, in any sense of the word. It would be empty, lonely, and pointless.

MadMadMadamMim · 15/02/2022 21:29

It sounds dull as ditchwater to me.

How old are you? I'd hate to waste my life in a relationship that had little love in it. You sound like flatmates. Is there laughter and affection - even if there isn't sex?

I think the key is that you feel alone. That suggests you should go.

GeneLovesJezebel · 15/02/2022 21:32

Interested in replies. Me and DH are two housemates too.
Told him as much last year but we’re still here.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/02/2022 21:34

@GeneLovesJezebel

Interested in replies. Me and DH are two housemates too. Told him as much last year but we’re still here.
You and the op have just one life, and that's all you'll ever get. Is this really the way you want to spend it? The only one keeping you there is you.
Original poster
ChooseYourUsernameWisely · 15/02/2022 21:34

@MadMadMadamMim

It sounds dull as ditchwater to me.

How old are you? I'd hate to waste my life in a relationship that had little love in it. You sound like flatmates. Is there laughter and affection - even if there isn't sex?

I think the key is that you feel alone. That suggests you should go.

I’m 55 and he’s 57. We’ve been married for 28 years. We do laugh sometimes and he is good with our daughter. There’s little affection, if I’m honest.
OP posts:
Original poster
ChooseYourUsernameWisely · 15/02/2022 21:37

@GeneLovesJezebel

Interested in replies. Me and DH are two housemates too. Told him as much last year but we’re still here.
Sorry to hear you can relate 😕.

I think housemates sums it up. I too have said similar to him, but that’s as far as it goes.

I do worry about upsetting him, our DD and the thought of possibly being on my own. Confused with it.

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 15/02/2022 21:38

I’m staying because it’s easier. He’s a nice guy, would do anything for me , but I don’t love him.Those who make the move are brave.

FetchezLaVache · 15/02/2022 21:39

You worry about being on your own? How are you not already on your own?

GeneLovesJezebel · 15/02/2022 21:41

I worry about being lonely, but I’m lonely in the marriage anyway..

Lolabray · 15/02/2022 21:57

2/3 years without sex sounds more like a friendship to me.

Lolabray · 15/02/2022 21:57

FetchezLaVache

You worry about being on your own? How are you not already on your own?

Hit the nail on the head

MadMadMadamMim · 15/02/2022 22:01

I'm 56, and could probably live without sex now.

But not without affection. After 28 years I'd give it one last throw of the dice I think. Sit and have a serious talk with him to say you're thinking of leaving because you are so lonely. It may shock him into making more effort. Is he happy? Or do you think he yearns for another life somewhere else also?

Really18 · 15/02/2022 22:07

I reckon that you should have counselling to hash things out with someone who isn't invested. Then you can to him with a clear mind. If you could keep but change the relationship what would be different?

Sunnytwobridges · 15/02/2022 22:55

I love a lot of alone time but even this Sounds very lonely Sad

In my last relationship there was no affection or caring times, I was extremely lonely and eventually my partner started to feel like my brother. I'd rather be lonely by myself. For some reason its easier for me to accept/deal with.

tararabumdeay · 15/02/2022 23:08

Tell him to fuck off. You'll only be his carer for the last years of his life as is the job of a woman.

He may, however, live longer than you and get another wife.
Be free from this scrounger.

Original poster
ChooseYourUsernameWisely · 16/02/2022 12:16

@MadMadMadamMim

I'm 56, and could probably live without sex now.

But not without affection. After 28 years I'd give it one last throw of the dice I think. Sit and have a serious talk with him to say you're thinking of leaving because you are so lonely. It may shock him into making more effort. Is he happy? Or do you think he yearns for another life somewhere else also?

I’m going to speak with him tonight and tell him how fed up and lonely I’ve been feeling. I sort of think he’ll begin to make the effort then drop off again.
OP posts:
Original poster
ChooseYourUsernameWisely · 16/02/2022 12:17

@Lolabray

2/3 years without sex sounds more like a friendship to me.
That’s pretty much how it feels. Houseshare.
OP posts:
Original poster
ChooseYourUsernameWisely · 16/02/2022 12:19

@Sunnytwobridges

I love a lot of alone time but even this Sounds very lonely Sad

In my last relationship there was no affection or caring times, I was extremely lonely and eventually my partner started to feel like my brother. I'd rather be lonely by myself. For some reason its easier for me to accept/deal with.

Sunny, can I ask if you stayed or did you leave him?
OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 16/02/2022 12:19

They don’t change, just decide if you want to stay on the roundabout or get off.

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