unreasonable ?

[Super1and1]

Not sure if this is the correct place but having a few issues. We recently had a new baby great....but since it seems its been nothing but problamatic. We agreed family would be split time 50/50 but her mum keeps on getting involved, having excuses to come around and i feel my side is being pushed out and its unfair. I did discuss this previously but its not getting through. Also when we are together it seems they just text all night, i feel its ignorant. I cant work out if i am being over the top or i am right in it concerning me. personally i want the our son to have the same amount of time with each nanna and gramps. its got to the point now where its like 4 times a week

Are you both female? I think your partner might need the support from her mum currently, although coming round 4 times a week is a LOT!

Why does it matter if they're both female?

OP if it's bothering you, it's bothering you. You need to be heard and respected in your relationship, and if you're not, this issue is a symptom of the problem rather than the problem itself.

Are your feelings usually heard and respected in this relationship?

Are you side being pushed out, or are they just staying and waiting for you to invite them?
My family were and have always been more involved with dd (3) than my dhs family. I'm extremely close to my family, and they wanted to help and be around when she was born. I was so grateful for this. My dhs family weren't bothered.
Have you made effort to invite your family round more? Have you spoken to you dp about how you're feeling surrounding all of this?

You are being unreasonable.

It's normal for a new mum to need lots of support from her own mum in the early postpartum days.

She might not want to ask her mil about lochia for example!

Your DC isn't a cake to be cut up between people!

You’re being really selfish and unreasonable! How petty, ‘family time must be 50-50’. So silly. She needs support from her family as she’s just had a baby. But even if she hadn’t it’s very odd to keep score of family time like that.

Have you had a baby? Her mother has and as a new mum I know o was very reliant on my mum at that time and it was great
Try to be more understanding that it’s not a questionequal of time spent with different sets of relatives
Instead it a question of different needs from different people
Perhaps your parents would see baby when older as your partners and your needs chang

I wouldn’t have been able to cope without my mum in those first few months. I was anxious about EVERYTHING! I couldn’t handle the doctors 24/7, so my poor mum got the brunt of it. My mum was in and out all the time.

This is your partners mum. She needs her. Try to understand how utterly bewildering it is for a new mum.

Have you never felt overwhelmed and all at sea and wanted someone to come along and help? Someone you know you can trust and knows how to help?
Your wife's mum is there to support your wife.

Totally normal to gravitate towards your mum after giving birth. You are being extremely unreasonable and it's not a competition

I think YABU and unrealistic to her feelings. Focus on your baby and relationship for now, the relationship with grandparents can come at a later date. Don’t ruin the newborn days over this.

You say you recently had a baby. If recent, it is early days and things will settle down in a while. At the moment your partner and baby are the most important people and their needs paramount. It won't be forever, you can weather it.