I'd like more friendships and worry there's something wrong with me

[smartiesandtwix]

I'm a long term lp and dcs nearly grown up, one has gone to college now. I'm unemployed and trying to find work, and have no family (from a difficult background and then an abusive marriage, had some therapy.) I have tried to make friends over the years, and I do have a few friends but only a couple live locally and I don't have the kind of friends where you just pop round their house for a cuppa. I don't have any sense of community or just people to hang out with in a relaxed way.

When I look back on it there have been quite a few people where I've tried to be friends but it's never really happened or just hasn't lasted that long or even in a couple of cases I seem to have got kicked out of groups. I'm not sure if partly that's cos I'm single (these couple of groups were married people) or if I'm doing something wrong or what.

I feel like I've let down my dcs by not having people around, and I worry that I'm not very good at friendships and don't know how to change it.

Join a group. Any group that vaguely interests you. Or volunteer. Most adults with children are friends with people they work or volunteer with nowadays.

When you say you are not very good at friendships what makes you think this? We live in a funny age now where lots of friendships are on Facebook etc and it is detached in my opinion.

Can you join an Am Dram group? Volunteer a few hours a week somewhere? Try and think where you may find like-minded people.

There are also meet up groups for adults looking for friendships on FB? Give one of those a go!

Otherwise you could get involved with Parkrun, volunteer at a charity shop, join a slimming group, exercise class, ask on your local FB page if any mums fancied meeting for a walk and talk, start a book club online or virtual - there are thousands of ways to meet other people but I would start by thinking about what you are passionate about and link it to that. In other words - don't volunteer at Parkrun if you despise running! Get out there and see what you you can organise!

We get better at things by trying and practising. Try and practice!

Thanks for that lovely reply GrandTheftFortnightTourismo You are right I do need to join in things. I think I've gone into my shell more since the pandemic even and it feels scary to get out there. I'll look into volunteering and maybe going to a yoga class as a start. It would really help to belong to groups, thanks for the encouragement.

I would recommend classes like yoga or anything that requires you to turn up the same time every week. It's the adult version of school where making friends came through seeing the same people all the time. And try to switch your mind set about not having lots of friends equates to there being something wrong with you. I have also found groups to be a bit daunting as the dynamics and hierarchy can be difficult to navigate sometimes. Not everyone is friend material so perhaps one at a time would be easier for you.