What would you accept as a ‘disappearing/ghosting’ explanation

[Melanie2041]

I myself have been ghosted in past and just wanted to know if anyone has any experience of it or what they would accept as a explanation if the ghostee suddenly turned back up for example weeks or months later. Is there any situations were ghosting would be somewhat forgivable? I was thinking of a couple like a death of a parent / death of a child for example or child custody issues going through court. If the person was apologetic would it make you more likely to speak to your ghost again or no matter what the reason was would you never speak to them again if they reached back out? (curious on this topic) x

Totally depends on the context. Been on 1 date, id be dubious of any 'reason' as having been made up since I've no basis for trust and also not enough interest after 1 date. After a few dates. Again probably not. Theres just not enough reason to bother finding out if the reason is a bollocks excuse to come back.

After a few months I'd absolutely not accept a silence longer than a day or 2 short of being stranded in the desert. People have phones and they can say things like 'X awful thing happened, i can't talk right now and a lots going on. Ill be in touch when I can'

Death of a child - didnt see that. That would be wholly different and instantly excusable

@supercali77 how about If you had been dating 3/6 months and they ghosted you for example 2-4 weeks because of those reasons above only things I could think of that may be excusable in some way?

Death of a child - I would agree of course

Death of parent - of course as the stress of it and arrangements?

Child custody court cases- I can somewhat understand this if you have to fight in court for your children and the stress over that? (I remember just the process of normal divorce and custody through court and it was not easy - if there was issues or having to fight it out in court I can imagine that being draining?

What about depression? (Ghosting happening because of that)

What do you think of the above?

I've ghosted people for the following reasons:

• Friend had a child from a one night stand, didn't use protection. And didn't want to try having a relationship with the father, even though the father wanted to give it a go. (I know both individuals)

• Friend kept making excuses not to meet up near me /half way point. And would always forget to bring cash, or only have an Amex card on her....FFS....The worst part is that she is rich!

@CoffeeLover99 so you ghosted a friend because she didn't want to date a man? Just because she was having a child with him doesn't mean she had to be in a relationship with him

[quote user1471457751]@CoffeeLover99 so you ghosted a friend because she didn't want to date a man? Just because she was having a child with him doesn't mean she had to be in a relationship with him[/quote]
Her lifestyle wasn't compatible with mine anymore. I'm a family person who goes to Church. She was/ended up living a different lifestyle to me, and I felt that she was making wrong decisions.

End of the day, she got tipsy and had a one night stand with a mutual friend (they were always a bit flirty to each other tbh), and neither used protection. Both were in the wrong. But after finding out about the pregnancy, at least the guy wanted to try having a proper relationship for the sake of their unborn child. But she couldn't care less, and just wanted her independence (and obviously child support). So yea, I was disappointed in her, and didn't want to be close to her anymore.

I think if you've been going out with someone for 3 months plus, you would expect them to let you know if something terrible had happened, certainly within a week. Only exception I can think of is being in a coma.
To actually ghost someone, ie disappear, not answer messages, completely no contact is a message that they don't want to to have anything to do you, and they don't care how disappearing without saying makes you feel. They think they don't owe you anything.
So if they contact you months later, it's because they want something.

I think your 'friend' dodged a bullet there.

@DelphiniumBlue yes I agree. So example you been dating someone for 3 months or 6 months then for example they just went quiet and ghosted for about 2 weeks (I’m using it as an example) and then the ghostee came back with an apology after a couple weeks and they dropped off due to one of any of my ‘scenarios’ stated above

• what would you think?

It takes seconds to type a message to say a crisis has occurred and that you'll be in contact soon.

Ghosting/disappearing is never acceptable unless you're in a serious accident/in a coma and bot able to use your phone.

@coffeelover99 Your friend is better off without you. Using "But I go to church" as an excuse to treat people badly is pretty low too. She needed your support, not your judgement. Ghosting someone in those circumstances is in no way comparable to what OP is talking about.

@CoffeeLover99 judgy much?

No excuse for ghosting when you're in a relationship ever, except maybe death or a coma. Ghosting always says more about the ghoster than the ghostee and the ghostee generally ends up in a better place even if it doesn't seem so at the time.

@SortingItOut

It takes seconds to type a message to say a crisis has occurred and that you'll be in contact soon.

Ghosting/disappearing is never acceptable unless you're in a serious accident/in a coma and bot able to use your phone.

Exactly this!

Death of a child is unimaginable and I doubt I'd be using my phone for anything. However, I wouldn't be getting back in touch 2-4 weeks later looking to continue to date either so I don't think this is a realistic scenario

Anything else I'd take 30 seconds to type a message saying I was going through something really personal just now and explain I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be dating/texting potential dates