Hubby didn't want 2.5 yo in our bed when upset

[itscomplicatedlife]

LN our DD woke up very upset asking to come fo our bed. She's never done this before and of course I had no issue and she ran happily to our room abs attempts to get in, then her Dad jumps up shouting No! She is not coming in here take her to her own bed! She undertands what he's saying and starts to get very upset as he had shouted very loud and it really annoyed me as he'd further set her off and tbh I thought it was really wrong and felt really bad for her that i her moment of just needing some comfort from us he had said No! When I said no she's really upset also be careful what you say as you're upsetting her he told me to shut up and get her back to her own bed again and just turned over. I thought this isn't rihht it's a total one off and it's me seeing to her, how would
She have felt if I'd agreed and taken her off so angrily she'd surely feel rejected that she needs support for whatever reason and we both wouldn't consider it before she's whisked off to her own bed to cry on her own without us. This said a lot to me about how he really felt about her surely I'm not wrong to be concerned as it just seemed so uncaring and cold...

I'm just fed up, then the morning comes with the apology I shouldn't have said what he did and then comes to justification of why he's a good dad compared to most, but I said most of the things he lists should be what any dad should do the fact most don't is irrelevant to compare to. He has worked very hard on his career I do see and appreciate that as he has done it for us but the way he is at times is just terrible! I think it's just him to have a shitty nature esp at nihht as he said he can't do it as it's the only time he gets to switch off and I do get that also. He hasn't got any friends he meets so his down time is exercising early morning which he enjoys. I've realised he really isn't in to socialising which tbh has bothered me a lot since we had our child as i never noticed it as much before she came along as we were both busy working a lot FT and hardly had much time but I generally have kept more friends than he has. My head just spins re this and just feel like I think I know I can see yers of this ahead as I have lost the energy and heart after so long to find it in me to let it all go! It's my issue more than his but it's frustrating as if these things never happened I wouldn't be here living this daily should I stay or should I go 🥺

I keep imagining how it'd be to have someone totally differnt view of things, patience and smiles the day is easier without the constant disagreements etc etc and life just being as it should relatively straight forward! It's a horrible position to be in, never saw this coming and it could be worse but it's still horrible; I'm literally right torn down the middle on what to do

My ex husband was like this.

It was so nice when we split and I was able to comfort DD when she wakes with nightmares.

It’s all very well saying she should be sorted in her own bed, but you are the one who is expected to go and squeeze into a single bed, or sit by the side and wait for her to go back to sleep.

If you let her in and cuddled her then she would probably be back to sleep in minutes, DH could have gone off to her bed if had such a problem with it!

Does he sleep naked? Did he have an erection at the time?

Whether or not people agree with cosleeping, your husband doesn't sound very nice at all. It reads as though he thinks of himself as the most important in the household and who has the ultimate say. Does he usually talk to you like that?

Did he want DC? Your posts indicate that he isn’t interested so did he actively wants to become a parent?

You said you 'haven't been getting on at all' and that you 'clash'. I think your daughter may be being exposed to the horrible atmosphere and it's affecting her feelings of security. It needs sorting, OP.

Firstly the husband is a prick LTB.
Second of all I can't believe the posters saying they never let their children in their beds. I'm only half british so maybe it's a cultural thing but co sleeping is very normal for me and my children have always co slept. I couldn't imagine an upset small child being snapped at like that all because they needed comfort from their parents for whatever reason.
I hope you get things sorted soon op.

I'm not fond of co-sleeping however if my DD has waken in the night and needed comforting I would definitely be ok with her being in my bed. I don't see the big deal as long as it doesnt become a regular thing. Your

@Mogul No & no 👀

@ChrissyPlummer

He did yes and when he's not sleeping he has a lot of time for her but it's like waking a sleeping bear he's just really does not deal with nights well at all but was worried we could have made a rod for our backs had she decided to stay but she did decide to go back to her bed after half an hour x

Good grief all the posters not allowing your kids to come into your bed, unbelievable.

@Tempusfudgeit Yes we haven't been getting along much just lately but what had put more strain is she's been waking the last 1 wks every night as she's in one of the development stages, its always been the same. She gets intensely miserable, wants something then doesn't, cries and tantrums at minor mishaps it's like living with a loony it's such hard work then she wake up not quietly but screaming I want milk etc then when it passes she returns to a normal state of mind and things ease. This hadn't helped then him being a miserable sod starts grating on me then he does that. Perhaps just a huge bundle of it all I think just hate it

I agree with PP about being astounded at letting kids into your beds. If you don’t let them in, how do you know that it wouldn’t stop?

I co-slept until DD was around 9 months old as she was a terrible sleeper, didn’t nap etc and my DH happily slept on the sofa (didn’t have a spare bed), he would do anything to make our lives easier. As soon as she went into her own room, she was in there and is the best sleeper out of all of our friends. She will happily sleep 14 hours a night at 7 years old and has done since being in her own room.

If she’s poorly she’ll sometimes ask to come into our bed and depending on what it is, I’ll let her, but sometimes I recognise she would sleep better on her own. This happens a couple of times a year at most! Waking up to her cuddling me and her first words in the morning being ‘I love you, mum’ have made some of my happiest moments, some people are really missing out on those times.

Just to clarify, I breastfed until she was 9 months old which was why DH couldn’t do night feeds, but would still get up with her and try and rock her to sleep before me eventually taking over.

If my children are upset/unwell through the night, I get into their bed instead. Much easier and means they sleep in their own bed.

Also think it's incredible that people think you should have sent your little girl away! I can't think how people think it would do anything other than reassure. make her feel safe and loved, and build confidence to let her in. bad habit, pah! I've always let my children come in in the night (and in fact pretty much co-slept wtih my youngest) and have no problems.

Anyway, agree your h wasn't very nice in the middle of the night. I suppose it depends how many other things you clash on. It could just be a one off - no one really likes being woken in the middle of the night. But maybe if it happens again, tell him to leave the bed and let her get in!

@lollipoprainbow why is it ‘unbelievable’? People do things differently, I was never allowed in my parent’s bed.

I see OP, I just asked as some men (NAMALT obvs), if they don’t really want DC seem to see it all as the woman’s problem.