I don't have friends

[Tdcp]

I've just found out that my best friend of 7 years has only ever seen me as a tag along and has purposefully excluded me and made sure the other mums at school aren't interested in talking to me either. Shes also been bitching about how our kids lives are intertwined ..

They're cousins, they go to the same school and have one class outside school together. Apparently she's been " supportive and allowed it". She encouraged everything we've ever done, she's even blaming me for the kids doing after school club together when my dd was there for over a year first because I work that day.

I've done everything for that woman, taken her wherever she's wanted to take the kids on a day out, to appointments, lifts for shopping, baby sat. I helped plan her wedding, held my niece when she was born etc etc. When I think about everything it's obvious that I was used for lifts and when she was bored. I was constantly dropped for other people but in such a sly way where I thought I was the problem. I've never caused an issue, never had a row, never been a bother, just a loyal and kind best friend.

I don't get it. I'm absolutely heartbroken. I'm heartbroken for me but also for my daughter. She's 7, she has bad anxiety and is so so close to her cousin. We had him over all the time, now things are going to be so different and it's so unfair. She blanked me in the playground on Friday and I've literally done nothing.

Her husband is blaming me as well, for being a tag along and for " everything always involving me and DD". I've been 2 or 3 months without going round before, I never ask for favours except once when I started a new job and asked her to look after DD for an hour before dp could get her. Dp said years ago what she does isn't right but I trusted her. I loved her to bits. Her mum treats me like family, well technically we are family. I'm 35 with zero friends now and I don't even have family. I worry about DD so much now. I have to see her twice a day and at the club they do now. I wouldn't want to stop that as DD and Dn don't deserve it. Ffs.

She sounds awful. She never was your friend. Time to make a concerted effort to make new friends. Not in the playground because it sounds like she’ll wreck that. You need to join some clubs or groups. I’m sorry you’ve been let down. I’ve been hurt by friends and it’s really painful.

There's space in your life for someone better

Thank you. It just really hurts. I trusted her and all along she was using me or considered me an irritating tag along. Plus she's family so I thought she was "safe" in a way. She even mentioned the family tie a lot like it's a good thing. I have no one on my side it's all dps family. I hate that I have to see her everyday. I'm going to have to give DD excuses about not seeing her best friend and cousin now and that breaks my heart, he loves DD so much so I feel awful for that too. Plus my other niece and nephew. I'd never cut them out or anything but it won't be the same and they'll all be affected by it no matter what I do.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It sounds awful.

But keep it separate from the children. It shouldn't have to impact on their lives or relationships.

I'll try everything I can do to not affect the kids but given what her and her husband have been like so far, I don't think it'll be the same from their end.

Sorry this has happened but you need to start thinking about ways of making new friends. It sounds like she was your only friend and she clearly was not a good one. What can you do to meet new people?

I don't know. I'm autistic and I struggle meeting people. I find small talk incredibly difficult, I did try really hard at the school but she purposefully made sure I was excluded from everything so everything fizzled out. I'm sure I'll be fine, it just came as a shock to me.

What about a choir? Or an activity where you ‘do’ something rather than just chit chat?

There's a couple of 'outcasts' at school that noticed her ignoring me earlier and came to ask if I was alright. I said yes obviously but I've been invited for a coffee this week and one of their daughters is coming for a playdate, I've been meaning to invite the girl for ages now as she's really lovely it's just one of those life getting in the way things so I haven't. I won't be putting all my eggs in one basket again or anything but I was really touched today. I also have a job interview and a house to go and view / apply for so it's been a half decent day today ...even with a side of chewing glass lol. I was thinking of joining a craft group also.

Onwards and upwards OP. I know it’s hurtful but you need to leave the toxic people behind xxx