Did you complete your family before you split

[Em2122]

I have 2 very young kids but I always pictured having 3. I'm a sahm at the minute, if I have no more kids I could go back to work in 2 years which should give me some independence, despite probably unlikely to earn much more than min wage.

I feel like I can't imagine staying together with partner, I feel just as lonely as if he is here or not, we spend our evenings doing our own thing and I feel spliting may become an even harder option if I had another baby, though it would be sad. I try and look at positive thoughts, that on my own two is easier to handle, I suppose its not just the big family I pictured

Don't do it. I considered it but didn't in the end and although I felt bad for years with DS1 being an only child, I am glad I didn't. It would have been really dishonest, and stressful being stuck in that relationship going through the pregnancy and birth and newborn bit. Also I really couldn't stand having sex with him towards the end so I'm not sure how I would have managed TTC.

I had more children later with somebody else and it's all worked out perfectly.

I'm sorry but I just do not understand women who knowingly do this.

I think its incredibly selfish to knowingly bring another child into a crumbling relationship.

So no, I wouldn't "complete my family" before splitting

If you’re not married (you say partner not husband) and you’re not working, you would be insane to have another baby when the relationship is shaky. If you do split, you need to maximise your earning potential and that means starting work sooner and having fewer logistical obstacles.

Is there any hope for the relationship though? Have you considered counselling? A third baby would put more pressure on and surely your energy would be better spent making as positive a life as possible for your existing children - either by working through your relationship issues and keeping the family together, or by delivering them as much financial security, time and attention as you can provide them as a single parent.

I really hope things work out for you.

No I would not do this, being a single parent to 3 children will be harder than with 2.

I definitely wouldn't have a third in your situation.

Personally I can understand why a woman might choose to have a second child in a relationship that was faltering. There are of course pros and cons to having an only child vs having siblings, but if I wanted a sibling for my first DC I would definitely prefer for them to be 'full' siblings and to avoid the complications of a blended family down the line.

But I can't imagine having a third in that situation. Separation is invariably expensive and messy. Adding a third child into the mix will mean less resources for your exiting children (money and your time) in an already difficult situation and would be a pretty selfish choice imo.

If you split and you need any benefits, even top ups e whilst working, I’m sure they are only paid for two children. You’d have even less to raise them on. In your situation I wouldn’t even consider three.

What have I just read? are you considering bringing another child into the relationship which you know won't last long? Don't do it.