I think I’m done

[UpToMyEye]

And I can’t help but be so sad about it
I know he’ll be sad about it
But I just can’t have this be my life anymore

I’m so sad, back on antidepressants for the second time, the house is a mess, everything’s a mess, never any clothes in the wardrobes because ironing is ‘his job’ which he never does, constant promises of stepping up and doing more which of course never happens

One of the kids has SEN and he needs routine and structure, it’s only me that enforces that so if I have an off day everything goes to shit

Everything is just me
And I am so so tired
When he’s not around I'm on it, things are more organised, everywhere is clean and tidy, I get much more help and support from my parents (who are better at it than DP anyway) and I don’t have his mood dictating my mood

I really need a break, some actual time off, and the only way this will happen is if we break up and he takes the kids for his access - he currently never has all the kids by himself ever, at any point

I love his family, and he earns more than I would get in benefits as a single parent and sometimes I get to sneak off for a quiet half an hour upstairs - these are the things I’ve been holding on to - but it’s just not enough anymore

But why am I so sad

Ok that was a bit of a ramble

I guess I’m wondering if these reasons sound like enough to end a long relationship over?
To have a tidy house and time off from the kids, essentially?

How old are your children? I can totally understand how these things can get you down. I wonder if the children are young, because it's more unrelenting then. Maybe when they're older, the problem will partly solve itself?

Children are 12, 10, 6 & 4 - I do feel like I’ve been waiting for them to get older and easier for a long time, but the 6 year old (the one with additional needs) just keeps getting harder, the 4 year old copies him and now the older 2 are developing teenage attitudes, so not getting any easier unfortunately
It does feel easier if DP ever isn’t around though, oddly

Anyone?

I really have no one in real life to talk to about this

With four kids in tow I wouldn't rush this decision.

Where will you live?

Have you considered he may not take the opportunity to have them his share. So you may still never get any time off.

Why does he never have all the kids?

@Hopefullyoneday12 I would remain in our house, we rent and it’s in my name

I have tried all of that @ilovedoggs there are lists and chores and colour coordinated calendars all over the house - but it’s only me that does any of it
I’ve cried, I’ve begged, I’ve shouted, I’ve stopped asking and done it all, I’ve stopped doing and done nothing, nothing changes

@FetchezLaVache he just doesn’t, no reason to I suppose 🤷🏻‍♀️