Apologies in advance, this may be a confusing read.
Me and DP have been together a very long time. DC now adult and pre teen. We've had our fair share of struggles for example he is bad with money, I developed a long term condition which affects things a few years in, he used to drink too much for many years but stopped, his parent's illness. My mental health. We split in 2014 for a couple of months but got back together.
We still love each other a lot, share hobbies, plenty affection, there's no other adult I'd rather be with.
There is something I really struggle with though. It's like I am too attached to him. I swing between just embracing that, and being scared and wanting to be alone (I don't say this to him - I used to when I was younger but it's unfair) . We recently had our biggest falling out yet (both at fault) and he moved to his parent's for a few weeks. We've managed to sort things out on both sides and are happier than ever, but I just went to pieces during that time and that scares me.
It scares me that I can be so attached to someone when adult love is (understandably) conditional. As adult relationships are. External stresses could well split us up even at this stage, and no one is completely infallible to falling out of love or falling for someone else etc.
I had a horrifically traumatic childhood, had my teens without any mother and an absent father, and met DP when I was only 19. I think that's the cause of this. I think I've attached myself to DP as a 'family'. I get horrible anxiety attacks if things aren't right between us I can't function. I am not a pushover to him though, if anything I can be the opposite to try protect myself.
How do I resolve this to be more stable?
I've had prolonged counselling but it hasn't helped much.