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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH constantly trying too hard

2 replies

Littlebird42 · 12/02/2022 22:21

I appreciate that everyone gets stressed sometimes - resulting in a grump or need for me-time. But my DH's occasional work-stress grump has now become a horrid every Sat morning and Sun evening thing.

He told me this morning in front of DC that he was "fed up of being stuck in the house with me after 2 yrs of pandemic" and I was a nag and he needed space (he was going to the shops and I asked him to get something for me). He sulked for 15 mins then sincerely apologised to us.

However in addition to being already stressed and tired from work and not sleeping well last week, he also tried to fit in a playdate for 5 friends' kids he invited over, offered to cook lunch for everyone (which burnt because there were so many small children and parents coming and going) and got in another grump because he was trying to find time for exercise and felt I needed to do more exercise. The visiting kids also argued and DD spent the playdate looking after the one who got sad. It is like DH is constantly over-delivering on everything and it is producing the opposite result to what he wants - so he just tries to do even more!

DD 8 said "daddy wasn't very nice to you was he?" in a very quiet voice that was so full of unspoken questions. I don't want to teach DCs that we all have to keep daddy happy when he's stressed or I'm a punch bag for their stress. Neither me or DH wants to live like this. But how do I get him to see that he needs to slow down, cut back and chill out for all our sakes?

OP posts:
BeenThere0 · 25/02/2024 21:06

I'm really sorry you had no reply to this, @Littlebird42 . How are you feeling now? Hope things are a little better

MumDaisy1980 · 25/02/2024 22:43

i suffered similar thing - about being treated as punch bag. After pandemic DH just got mental overall. Now we fortunately expecting first child, since preg he seems recovered.

in My case, whenever about the mad stress situation appear I would address immediately. As in explain why I was upset about him. This had taken a prolong argument between us …like we argue , he made up , we got back good. This cycle lasted for 4 years and over the years his behaviour improve very slowly.

I suggest communication is the key to the marriage

hope it helps

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