I’m having a bit of a clear out of the loft and came across some old diaries. I thought I’d share a bit of historical, deep, introspective navel-gazing about a guy who, on the surface, seemed absolutely lovely and I was incredibly attracted to him but, for some reason, felt a compelling urge to keep him at arm’s length and not progress what seemed like a mutual attraction.
Some excerpts:
“What was “That Look”?: He was feeling some intense emotion, that, I’m sure of. When I turned to look at him as I finished speaking (pointing a landmark out to him) he was already looking at me, he took a sharp intake of breath (as if I’d caught him out?), his eyes were really dark and glittery and his pupils were really small, but his eyes/brows were relaxed/not frowning or tensed. His mouth was open as if he was going to speak but then he closed it and pushed out his bottom lip, almost as if he was going to say something and stopped himself – if I hadn’t been able to see his mouth I would have said he was feeling hatred/malice. It seemed a “hard” stare. Scrutiny? My instinctive reaction was an internal recoil. It left me feeling unsettled, a little bit scared.”
“There it is again. That Look. I feel scrutinised, observed, watched. And not in a good way. It’s not the look of love, attraction, lust or amusement. It’s almost like a predatory look. It’s not a glare. It’s not a warning look. It’s not even a pissed off look. It’s like he’s deliberately watching what my reaction is. Why? Is there some sort of mind-fuckery going on?”
“Okay, enough now. What IS with That Look? They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Well his soul is a fucking dark, inhospitable place. That’s it. Not playing any more. You win. I’m out.”
Anyone else experienced this? Felt completely weirded out by “A Look”?