Red flags with fiancé

[womanx]

How long into your relationship did you start seeing red flags I have seen more and more as the years go by am I being paranoid or am I in a toxic relationship

@UserBot9to5

you don't need to get all caught up in a 'court case' in your head.

I can see you're doing that with examples of how to cook.

All you need to do is accept that you do not need his approval. Generally. Or specifically.

You can leave. He won't like it. But you can still do it.

Do you have somewhere to go?

No

You’re living together? What's your housing situation, owned/rented, in his name/your name?

It sounds like every instinct in your body is telling you to get away from this man - you don't need to explain why you're leaving, to him, us or even to yourself, just trust your instincts. You've been here before and your brain knows it.

Can you start saving for a running-away fund?

Then you need to start planning! Get your finances sorted so you can get a deposit for a flat together.

And have a look at these. Get educated about abuse.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2268977-The-Abuser-Profiles

@pinkyredrose

You’re living together? What's your housing situation, owned/rented, in his name/your name?

Rented from his dad

Can you save money and get a room in a house share or be a lodger, works out cheaper than renting alone.

Write them down so you can take a high level view and get a much clearer picture. This will tell you whether or not you are paranoid.

But if you are asking yourself if you are in a toxic relationship you probably are. At 24 you do need to put up with this - dump and run. Life is too short to waste on men like this.

Ah the old 'you're a woman, you should do everything, and certainly more than me' bullshit.

But glad you caught it early. Lots of men are like this.

The learning for women is.....do I do more work now I'm in this relationship? Am I doing more tidying, more cleaning, washin, paying, tolerating? If yes, you're with a non equal. You thought it would be better, but in reality it's more shit.

A good lesson to learn when young is that you need to ensure your independence. It's may be tempting to move with a man, but it's often a cage. My advice therefore is to start working more hours, save the money and move out somewhere you are back in control. And remember, if they think the cooking, washing and cleaning is for you to do, that means you are suddenly cleaning up after a man. No. Better to have your own lovely space and go out with men, who then go back to their own home and you go back to yours.

Can you live with your own parent? A friend?

When I left my x, I left a letter and I disappeared. He actually caught me. But that's another plan. When I got to location B if you will, I changed my sim because I knew he would haunt me.

Sorry, you said you had nowhere to go.

I would go to women's aid in your shoes.

Otherwise you'll end up married to a man who makes you miserable.

You're only 24. If you end up in a refuge briefly it's not going to define you. It's a chapter. A step towards freedom.

@womanx
You are wise enough to feel alarmed.
That still, small warning voice isnever wrong.
Please listen to it.

I'm sure you cannot watch this with him around but this is a good video.

Ignore the words ''I love you'' as just words they are meaningless. Think about how you feel.

@womanx - you do not need a man to feel complete and lead a meaningful life.
A man should be an optional extra, the cherry on the cake - never the cake itself.
But to get to this point, you need to be on your own for quite a while and learn how to be in charge of your life.
WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH is a book you'll want to read.

You have a lot of threads about this bloke, and also one about wanting to bring a kid into this nightmare.

Don’t pick another man until you’ve done therapy and gained assertiveness and value yourself.

@UserBot9to5

Sorry, you said you had nowhere to go.

I would go to women's aid in your shoes.

Otherwise you'll end up married to a man who makes you miserable.

You're only 24. If you end up in a refuge briefly it's not going to define you. It's a chapter. A step towards freedom.

Get on to Women's aid for advice.

Above all, you need to get away from him.

It will only get worse.

A lot worse.

Can you look for a flat to rent or a room in a shared house?

You have nowhere to go right now.
Do you have your own bank account? Do you earn money?

Thing is OP, you’ve seen these things now, you will never unsee them again. They will drag you down more and more, and people don’t change, so he won’t change. If this is the life you want then go ahead, if it isn’t, you need to get out. You don’t get any of this time back, so don’t waste it.