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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He's dumped me...

17 replies

Itsmewithanewname · 12/02/2022 09:51

My kind, lovely, caring and wonderful boyfriend has just dumped me, a week before we're meant to to on a big holiday.. he's really left me in the lurch, as I have to go (meeting family, it was meant to be three couples but now it'll be two couples and me on my own..).

I've had a bit of a cry and drank a bottle of wine last night. But is it ok that I'm sort of looking forward to the holiday anyway?? and I'm not totally distraught, as he had some flaws .. one of them being that he didn't seem to want to travel, or meet my family, which is fine, but not what I need for a long term relationship?

Just wondering if it's going to hit me later. I wasn't too emotionally invested in the holiday, in terms of thinking about the places we'd go and things we'd do, and so hopefully a week in the sun in a fabulous location will be a good break and not a misery fest thinking how much nicer it would have been with him there..

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 12/02/2022 09:52

Good, not wanting to meet you family is a red flag.
Go enjoy your holiday, and block him too.

KylieCharlene · 12/02/2022 09:56

You sound fabulous.
If only we all had your insight and your outlook.
If he tries to worm his way back tell him to get gone- you're moving on up.
He's not for you.

WherezWally · 12/02/2022 09:57

Weird that he dumped you, coincidentally before a holiday where he would be meeting your family, when he doesn’t want to meet family… sounds like that’s why he’s done it! Wouldn’t be surprised if he then tries and gets back with you when you return from holiday… but obviously don’t do that lol!

Holidays a good place for you to get away and come back and start a fresh! Totally normal to have down days or reminisce and feel sad about good times you’ve had, how nice you say he is… but that doesn’t mean he’s right for you so I’d take it all in your stride and go and enjoy this holiday! X

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 12/02/2022 10:00

Sounds like the holiday might have been the trigger. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to come creeping back once it’s been and gone.

Go have an amazing time on holiday

Tardigrade001 · 12/02/2022 10:02

Going by what you said, he probably would have ruined the trip for you. So it may be for the better that you split up before the trip, and not during/after. Have a good time!

Sprucewillis · 12/02/2022 10:17

Onwards and upwards darling. Have a fabulous holiday Thanks

Newestname002 · 12/02/2022 12:16

Sorry your BF treated you so badly, @Itsmewithanewname - this is obviously not the man for you, sadly.

I hope you enjoy your time away with family and hopefully can talk things through with them, if you think this will make you feel better.

Incidentally, change your locks if he's ever had keys to your home. Don't think because he hands you a set he doesn't have spares to get in whilst you are away.

Hopefully when you are back home you'll feel mentally refreshed. Don't be tempted to have him back if/when he seems to have a change of mind/heart. Be ready for a fresh start without him. 🌹

lolstevelol · 12/02/2022 18:51

why did he not want to meet your family. Are you from a different ethnic/culture background ?

Moonface123 · 12/02/2022 19:18

Theres usually a reason why a man doesn't want to meet your family, have you met his ?
l would be determined to still have a good time, and l wouldnt give him the time of day if he did try and come back.

Itsmewithanewname · 12/02/2022 19:41

Thanks all.. I'm just thinking that he's an idiot! Poor diddums.. didn't want to go sailing in the Caribbean so had to break up with me 😂😂.. I laugh whenever I say that to myself.

I want adventure & travel, and he evidently doesn't. I thought we were so good together but we would have come unstuck eventually. Just still hurts that he did it so close to the leaving date, knowing that it would cause me hurt and pain.

Best thing is that a girl friend on mine wants to come in his place. We'll have a blast 🤞 result!

OP posts:
Itsmewithanewname · 12/02/2022 19:54

@Moonface123 @lolstevelol not sure, it's just my sister & her boyfriend, others coming are my daughter & her boyfriend who he's met before. I think perhaps it was the idea of having to make small talk for a week .. but as he said, and I agreed, he should have wanted to do it for me, because he knew it was important to me. He's not in touch with his siblings but his teenage DDs are a big part of his life.. that's another story (and I won't really miss them).

I don't think he'll try to get back together. But I'll enjoy telling him that I'm just not feeling it if he does!

OP posts:
Sprucewillis · 12/02/2022 19:55

Is it possible he's just terrified of flying by two ashamed to admit it?

Itsmewithanewname · 12/02/2022 20:12

@Sprucewillis it could be that. Also he's fair skinned and was worried about sun. But FFS he could have discussed it with me!

OP posts:
ExplodingCarrots · 12/02/2022 20:23

Is this the same bloke that was refusing to do any activities with you on holiday and was generally being a misery guts ? If so , you're well rid. Apologies if this isn't you , but loads of similarities Grin

Etinoxaurus · 12/02/2022 20:39

Sailing in the Caribbean?
💃🏽🥰 🌞
Have an amazing time.

SunflowerTed · 12/02/2022 20:57

You go girl!!!

Sprucewillis · 12/02/2022 21:36

It is is the fear of flying OP and he would rather break up than be honest I think you are better off without him. There's no shame in a fear. But lying about it and causing deliberate hurt is unacceptable. Have a lovely time in the Caribbean Thanks

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