why is my dh so selfish and arrogant

[lizandlulu]

he is really really peeing me off just lately.
we have had arrangements to go and see some friends who live in essex at the weekend. we are planning to go on friday night, go into london saturday, then he is going out with his mate on sunday and i am staying in with my mate.
he knows we have had this planned for ages. mum is having our dd, and the couple we are going to see are both our friends, not just my friend or his friend, iyswim.
he has now said that he is not going as it is another one of his friends birthday parties.
this other friend is really unreliable. he is only young, and he has let us down quite a few times. (we have the same hobbies and have agreed to give him lifts and waited for him, not to show up)
now i like this lad, but would much rather spend the weekend as arranged
my dh says i can go on my own, which i wouldnt mind, but the bloke we are staying with is counting on dh coming to go out with him on the sunday. if dh doesnt go he will be left in the lurch.
i have told dh he is upsetting me by being so selfish, but he just doesnt seem to care.
these days he has this attitude of 'i can go where i want and you can either come or not'
i told him if he is not going to go he can at least let our friends know he is not going, but i know he hasnt, or wont, so it will be left to me, and i will look like a right tw*t.
i am sitting here seething, as he has now gone out with my cousin, leaving me and dd here. another case of 'this is what im doing. like it or lump it'
i dont really expect any advice or anything, just soothing words please

Why did you marry him?

If he has qualities that were appealing and made up for selfishness and arrogance - then worth thinking about what those are/were,

If he's become selfish and arrogant - worth thinking about how and why and what your contribution was to this development.

If you were infatuated when you married him then I am struggling ...

he has become more arrogant in this last couple of years. as i said before we go banger racing, and when i stopped racing myself, he started to do it more often. he got quite good, and so got a bit big headed. he has alot of 'friends' who 'big him up' if you know what i mean. and think he has started to believe his own hype. (god i sound like im talking about someone famous here!)
that combined with working in my dads family business, with a really well paid job, just makes him think he is invincable and can do as he pleases
i do think that if we carry on like this for much longer, we will have to arrange some kind of marriage councelling

THis is rough on you, he's being a knob. Are the friends close enough to be aware that he's been being a knob for a while ie are people used to his behaviour? Is it possible that they might want to ring him up and bollock him for his rudeness (something you could perhaps subtly encourage them to do?)

while they are close friends, they are not close enough to realise how bad he can be. they know he is on ad's, but because of they way he acts around them, they think he is getting better.
anyway, i had an early night last night, and when he came to bed we had a talk about how he was upetting me to change plans like this, and he agreed that it was not a nice thing to do and he is now going to come with me.
we also agreed to make a concious effort to be nicer to each other. both of us take out our problems on the other person, and you forget at this person is the most important person in your life, except for children.
so hope fuuly all is well again