He does have a couple of red flags too
1. He controls all finances, I'm not allowed to buy anything yet he I recently discovered he has debts
2. He is very hot tempered and did hit me a couple weeks ago
Then I take back my previous advice. LTB. #1 he's abusive and #2 the abuse is escalating.
(I did seek advice from Refuge about those btw, but was told he sounds as though he is suffering from depression and I should be supporting him with that)
This person needs further training. Their response is inappropriate and harmful.
We have a joint account that everything goes into and then he takes money out and leaves what we need for each week stealing the rest for himself.
Corrected for accuracy OP! As others have said, look for evidence of this account and photograph the amount in there. Consult a divorce solicitor, you're going to need one, there's no way your H will amicably agree to give you a fair divorce settlement if he's abusive. Open your own bank account in preparation for having your wages paid in there. Don't do that (paying in) part until until you've got somewhere else to stay in an emergency in case he kicks off. If he senses you're thinking of leaving he might go on his best behaviour to make you doubt yourself, don't fall for it, it won't last. If he kicks off instead, call the police and have him removed from the home.
Contact refuge again and if you get a similar response to before, ask to speak to a senior member of staff (who will hopefully have better training!). You can also find your local branch of Women's Aid and contact them directly. If you've zero help from anywhere, have your wages and child benefit etc paid into your account and flee on the day the payment lands. You can go anywhere in the country and Women's Aid will help you. So if you have to, tell him there's been a glitch with work/the bank and you'll sort it out, then instead of dropped DC to daycare and going to work, flee instead. You wouldn't be the first or the last to leave with nothing but the clothes on your back. If you can sneak important stuff out to a friend's house in advance of leaving, so much the better.
If you've been isolated from friends and family, don't be worried about contacting them and explain that you've left/are in an abusive relationship and ask for their help, even if it's been years since you last spoke. Not those who'd go straight to him to tell him, obviously, choose carefully. Tell your workplace too. If you know you're going to have to flit you could arrange a few day's annual leave in advance so as to minimise disruption to your workplace, but of you need additional annual leave or unpaid leave while you sort things out then ask for it and don't be afraid to give the reason why.
You can speak to your local council (or the one where you end up, if you flee) about social housing/help with housing. You have a DC so you'll have some priority. You're not voluntary homeless if you're fleeing abuse.
If DC doesn't have a passport, get them one. Otherwise find yours and their passport if possible and take with you. Gather information like this. His payslip and pensions, the accounts private and joint, the mortgage etc. Maybe leave work early half day and go home when he's out to do this? Solicitor needs this information too ideally.