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Relationships

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Original poster

Texting Yay or Nay

22 replies

Oscarbin · 11/02/2022 20:56

Sooooo....

All new to this dating game! What is the craic with texting?

I like texting, whether it be my friends or family, it's nice when I have the time or bored.

Got a lovely valentines present which he gave me the money and I ordered it, As I don't really like the whole flowers and chocolate.

Text this morning, sent a Snapchat. Then nothing, yeah he's probably out after work, but if it was me I would probably say I was out to be courteous. Or am I being controlling?

He doesn't really like the whole text thing and has always said he doesn't get it.

I haven't text him as I don't want to seem needy. God I hate this dating thing.

What do you guys think?

OP posts:

iwishu · 11/02/2022 22:22

Why is he giving you money to buy a gift before Valentine's Day? He is planning to spend that evening with you?
Personally I would want regular contact with someone I'm dating, if i didn't hear from them, I'd assume he's not that into me. Probably sees me as a back up/casual date. I would look to date a guy who has similar communication style to me.

ComtesseDeSpair · 11/02/2022 22:25

A man you’ve just started dating gave you money to order your own Valentine’s present??

Besides that - he’s told you he doesn’t like texting. If it’s important to you that somebody you’re in a relationship with who enjoys texting chat and nonsense back and forth when they’re bored, as you do, I don’t think this is the man for you. You can’t force somebody into your communication style and the difference between you is just going to end up with you both frustrated because you don’t think the other is listening to what you each like.

Original poster

Oscarbin · 11/02/2022 22:36

Yeah I know, I say dating but I have known him a while.

He seems to do this with a lot of people and not just me. We were planning to see each other Monday for some food.

It seems to be a lot of stress the whole thing.

I haven't rang or text I have left it.

OP posts:

easterdaffsx · 11/02/2022 22:53

Why not just pick up the phone and call him ? Are you very young ?

bongobingo43 · 11/02/2022 22:53

I'd be more turned off at being given cash to order my own valentines present tbh.

I'd genuinely rather have nothing or only a card than someone thinking that transferring me some money and making zero effort would impress me

Original poster

Oscarbin · 11/02/2022 22:56

@easterdaffsx

Why not just pick up the phone and call him ? Are you very young ?

I don't want to seem needy if he is out

OP posts:

Myinsidevoice · 12/02/2022 04:30

My partner doesn’t like texting. He would do it when we were first dating and I knew that he was only doing it to build a relationship with me. He’s terrible to get in contact with and his friends regularly text me to get him to reply. However, when I text him he will reply as long as he’s not too busy working. Even it’s a quick check in or a, pretty busy ar work but will reply soon text from him- it’s just nice to know it wasn’t ignored.
We don’t sit and text now but our relationship has grown and we’ve been together for quite some time so there’s really no need for us.
If your relationship is new and this is important to you then you should bring it up with him, just ask him to reply to your texts, that way you feel seen and not ignored.

rainbowstardrops · 12/02/2022 07:33

How long have you been together?
I'd be pretty miffed at him giving me money to sort my own Valentines present!

Original poster

Oscarbin · 12/02/2022 07:46

On and off through the years but when we were kids.

He's been online at half 2 this morning and hasn't replied. So he's either drunk or ignoring me.

OP posts:

bongobingo43 · 12/02/2022 08:35

Have you messaged him a question or something you'd have expected him to reply to? If so, and if this was sent yesterday morning agree he's ignoring you and I wouldn't be happy with this.

However, if you had a text exchange yesterday morning that came to a natural end and neither of you have texted since. I wouldn't see it as a big deal. He's maybe just not into texting chit-chat

Original poster

Oscarbin · 12/02/2022 09:07

Hahaha I asked him what his shoe size was 🤣😂

OP posts:

EBearhug · 12/02/2022 09:24

Texting varies massively. Some people find it very tedious. Others are quite happy to have long text conversations - I get on better with these ones. I'm not sure if there's a correlation between texting and education level, because I swipe left on a lot of profiles where they can't be arsed to write anything and saying they've got a degree means I'm more likely to swipe right (though that alone won't do it.)

Lots of profiles do say they don't want a penfriend nor lots of texting so I'm probably going to avoid those, unless they look stand-out in other ways. He told you he doesn't get texting- you're probably not going to get him to change, so either you accept it or if you think it's a deal-breaker for you, accept that and move on.

I'd rather have nothing than buy my own Valentine's gift, though. (My first date today, we have agreed the date is coincidental, not significant, and we are ignoring it.)

Original poster

Oscarbin · 12/02/2022 09:40

Yeah I know what you mean. Like I say it's just all new to me, and I find the whole dating thing tedious.

You never know what to expect. Or what is actually normal? Or are they just in it for the leg over.

Nothing worth stressing over. Just wanted some opinions.

OP posts:

iwishu · 12/02/2022 09:46

*On and off through the years but when we were kids.

He's been online at half 2 this morning and hasn't replied. So he's either drunk or ignoring me*

Why are you ignoring you this? he isn't new to you, On/off isn't healthy. It isn't working out between you, no matter how many times you try again.

You are not a priority and he only gets in touch on his terms and doesn't care when he lets you down.
You know he's gone out drunk or ignoring you and he's rude enough not to reply.

When he's bored, he'll reach out again. Wouldn't you rather date someone more enthusiastic about you.

Enjoy your early valentines gift on him and let this one go.

bongobingo43 · 12/02/2022 09:58

I think cash to buy yourself a valentines present is an indication of his effort levels tbh.

He obviously thinks he can give you a bit of cash to keep you happy and mot make any actual effort.

How he acts and treats you in terms of effort shows more about his intentions than fobbing you off with cash, as if he can 'buy' your effort in return

Original poster

Oscarbin · 12/02/2022 09:58

Yeah he has rang this morning and he's still in his work clothes so he's obviously been out straight from there.

Bit childish all this really. I am not upset or anything, just likes the lad life.

OP posts:

MrsGHarrison87 · 12/02/2022 10:04

If he doesn't like texting then how is he communicating with you in between dates? I once dated a man who was crap at texting. He would text but he would be giving one word answers and not leading into conversation even if he was the first to text. I ended it because I felt it was going nowhere and then he said that he really liked me and wanted to continue seeing me which surprised me because he gave off a not interested vibe. I moved on from him though.
Some people don't like texting and keeping in constant contact, I get that. But in the early stages of dating if they like you a lot they should be wanting to communicate with you and getting to know you.

Original poster

Oscarbin · 12/02/2022 10:15

Yeah thanks for that. I get that.

Yeah he's the same just "doesn't get" why he needs to text all the time. He hasn't got a clue to be honest.

I mean he's nice enough but communication is a big thing for me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Oscarbin · 12/02/2022 10:16

@MrsGHarrison87

If he doesn't like texting then how is he communicating with you in between dates? I once dated a man who was crap at texting. He would text but he would be giving one word answers and not leading into conversation even if he was the first to text. I ended it because I felt it was going nowhere and then he said that he really liked me and wanted to continue seeing me which surprised me because he gave off a not interested vibe. I moved on from him though. Some people don't like texting and keeping in constant contact, I get that. But in the early stages of dating if they like you a lot they should be wanting to communicate with you and getting to know you.

He does text inbetween but like you said one worded things.

OP posts:

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/02/2022 00:04

I mean he's nice enough but communication is a big thing for me.

Then you aren't a good fit. It isn't for you. It wouldn't be for me either.

Being on different pages when it comes to communication styles and needs is a very good reason to leave a relationship IMO.

Original poster

Oscarbin · 15/02/2022 10:58

Thank you all for all of your help. It's harder to date when your older and have kids, a life etc! Think I am destined to be alone. 🤣🤣

OP posts:

TheFoundation · 15/02/2022 11:33

God I hate this dating thing

Then don't do it. You seem to think there's a set of rules you should be following/a level of understanding you need to have in order to date 'properly'. There isn't. Do stuff that makes you feel good. Spend time with people you feel good with. Don't do stuff you hate.

That's the simple recipe for a happy life.

If his communication style is getting on your nerves and you want a relationship with him, tell him. If he's the right person for you, he'll accommodate and respect your wants and needs. If he doesn't, drop him. There's nothing complicated or puzzling in your situation, and yet you seem to be making it into a riddle. Why?

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