Friends with Benefits anyone else a fwb

[lockdownrainbow]

Hi

I have recently started a fwb relationship
I am divorced and have two kids
met him on a dating site.
He is really nice we message alot every day we get on really well he I considerate always makes sure I am happy too
The sex etc is great he has taught me alot
He is the only guy on pof that didn't block me etc
I am really happy with the fwb situation
Wondered if anyone else in similar

I've had them in the past. Good fun!

I'm stupidly catching feelings for mine

We text all day every day, talk on the phone for hours but I think he just seems me as a fuck buddy

How is what you describe different to a normal sexual/romantic but not particularly serious relationship OP?

@lockdownrainbow I have to ask because I maybe missing out.... but after a relationship and 2 kids, what did he teach you?

Absolutely interested to know. I married my exh, met when I was 15. Moved straight onto current dp.

What did your fwb teach you

Why do you think the other guys blocked you OP? Sorry I know that’s not the point if your thread! Just stands out as unusual.

If you are happy with the arrangement that’s all that matters.

@CrinklyCraggy

How is what you describe different to a normal sexual/romantic but not particularly serious relationship OP?

Can't speak for OP, but mine were just really good friends who I sometimes had sex with.

Chatted loads, laughed loads, hung out. Sometimes had sex. Just a best mate but where sex was also involved if we fancied it.

Was great tbh.

When I had FWB we had a great time, had 2-3 on the go for a few years, was fantastic!

Didn't text every day though. That's a bit boyfriendy for me

Admit you're already falling for him because it sounds like you are. The woman almost always does.

Chatted loads, laughed loads, hung out. Sometimes had sex. Just a best mate but where sex

But how is that different to the perfect relationship?

We just didn't have the feelz for each other 🤷🏻‍♀️

It was sex for fun and to scratch an itch. Not an expression of love or affection.

No I wouldn’t do fwb as I would struggle to not get feelings.

I had one for a short time, unfortunately he caught feelings so I had to end it.

But it was great for me. I had a ton of sexual trauma before it. I did exactly what you're not supposed to do and told him all about the stuff I'd been through!! and I said it's going to go down my way or not at all lol Luckily he was on board with that so it was a great sexual experience for me!

However, I would be very reluctant to have another FWB as he got hurt and that upset me!

Yes love my fwb. We dated for a year but he wants kids eventually and I don't. We see each other roughly once a month and usually spend the whole day or weekend together. We don't message much between meetings. Just lots of fun and friendship when we do meet. It's perfect.

Mine went a bit wonky!
Intentions were good, we both just wanted fun no strings etc...
I married him!
Clearly I can't 'do' FWB properly :)

I agree with @LadyGagagagaga123 too I think it's mainly women who fall more and have a problem separating it for what it is (or in my case, what it was meant to be) especially if feelings aren't reciprocated.
One of my friends can't successfully detach her feelings so FWB doesn't work for her. ONS - yes but a long/longish term thing no.
My sister, on the other hand - can do it easily. Has had what I call a FWB for around a year. Absolutely does not want to live together, move to another stage, they don't call it a relationship, both are monogamous as far as I know so it works for them.

To be fair to myself, I done quite well and it was actually DH who spoke about feelings and wanting more first. I felt the same but hadn't voiced it.

@Workinghardeveryday You ask OP what can be learned from FWB
Sometimes nothing sometimes something in my experience haha but I've had a fair few sexual partners and like in any kind of sexual encounter (maybe minus a ONS as they're meant to be exactly that- once) if you want it to continue then in general an effort is made or else there won't be a repeat lol

@user1481840227 yeah this is why I stopped having FWBs eventually. One was quite hurt I didn't want to take things further and I felt bad that he felt like I was 'using' him (his words).

The best FWB I ever had was the kind of man I'd never want an actual relationship with - super arrogant, investment banker, cared about material things like expensive watches (lol) - but he was mega hot, great in bed, and we'd meet up every month or so for dinner, expensive cocktails, and dirty sex.

As a lot of PP have mentioned, most people, not just the women btw, catch feelings in FWB relationships. I've had 2 FWB. I was a single mum, 2 kids, didn't have time for a full blown relationship so FWB was the next best thing. The first lasted a year, we didn't really talk a lot in between meet ups. He worked full time and I was busy with the kids. We only met up when the kids were staying over with their DF so we were lucky to see each other once a week. He unfortunately caught feelings and started wanting to come over more often, would ask questions about a hypothetical relationship we might have. Ended up having to end things. He did get upset and kept pestering wanting to know why etc so I ended up doing him a favour and block him for being able to contact me. 2nd FWB was a couple of years later. I fell for him hard after a few months and the feeling was mutual thankfully. We've been together 5 years now and currently expecting out first baby together. Some good can come from FWB but also not so good things. Try not to wear your heart on your sleeve and not expect anything else from the relationship.

Get it right and it can be amazing! You have to fancy the pants off them but NOT and I repeat NOT fall in love with them. Can be great. Sex with hot guys you would never have a relationship with but... so much fun. Practice safe sex, good hotels, cocktails and flirty chat then upstairs... nothing else to it. Totally liberating after being married for an age.

Exactly song after having great fun can't keep our hands of each òther

I've had a FWB for years now. Suits us both perfectly. It's great.

I have a FWB - just sex and friends. I'll never catch feelings for him - he's not an emotional risk to me at all. But he's a kind, respectful man who is very good in bed and we have interests in common. I don't think about him when I'm not with him. He's a good FWB.

Another person I recently dated on a similar premise, I have decided to never see again. I think about him a lot. I'm pathetic about it. I barely know him but I compare all other men to him and find them wanting. This is a terrible FWB prospect. I've shut that shit down. You have to look after yourself and your soft feelings if you're going to do this.

Similar to you @lomoloko. I have 2, there is no risk as I really don't want relationships with either - incompatible lives, interests, opinions etc.

One other guy I message but the meet has never gotten off the ground, definitely risky for feelings. He ticks quite a few boxes, but I know he's not good news on the emotional front. So maybe it's good we never meet.

For the PP asking what is to be learned - for me it's about loving sex again, feeling good in my body, they've made me comfortable to shed some inhibitions but within my boundaries. I'm clear about what I want and can communicate that. I'm clear on why they're not relationship material (as in, I see from what they don't offer me, what I want IYSWIM).

It can be great, but requires some navigation and you've got to be clear on what you want for yourself.

I don’t think one falling for the other is particularly gender specific, it can happen either way.

First and foremost, they must be friends. Trust and care needs to be there.

I would suggest though that having friends (plural) with benefits (oh, how l hate the term!) helps prevent emotions ruling your head.

Two or more friendships can present very different offerings on life’s learning curve which goes on forever. Careful who you tell though, there are so many judgey people out there.