Partner is selfish

[RedRobyn2021]

Are most men like this?

DD is 1yo and I get virtually no time to myself at all. We bedshare so this is day and night.

I love her very much, but I don't even get to poo on my own 90% of the time never mind have a shower alone

My partner, her dad, meanwhile showers alone, goes for not one but two luxury fucking poos a day (he's usually in there in the morning and the evening)

Today we are all going out as a family and I left her downstairs with him whilst I went to have a wash, brush my hair and put a bit of make up on. I was in the bathroom max 10 minutes as soon as I came out he appeared at the top of the stairs with her.

"What do you want her to wear?"
"The majority of her clothes are in the dryer, I told you that, we will need to get them"

I ended up changing her nappy whilst he got her clothes, then I got her dressed (this can take time as she tries to get away)

Then I went back to our room to brush my hair and put make up on. He followed me with her. She crawled around the room getting in to everything whilst he got his clothes out. Then she started to fuss (she is due a nap, which surprise surprise I do all her naps) so I could concentrate and ended up rushing.

She contact naps for 1.5 hours in the morning so partner said he would have a shower and take the dog for a walk because she (the dog) will be staying home when we got out for a couple of hours

Over an hour after DD fell asleep I hear him come out the bathroom. He's spent a hour sat on the toilet and showering rather than walking the dog. I finally hear him leave 20 minutes after that. Then the baby wakes up.

This is just today, but this is what it's like all time. I feel hugely resentful.

He doesn't apologise or acknowledge what I'm saying, he just gets defensive. It makes me very mad.

No most men aren't like that in my experience.

Don't let him off the hook with that excuse - it suggests that it's somehow something he can't help 'because he's a man'.

SOME men are like that. I imagine that SOME women are like that. It's lazy, disrespectful to their OH and deeply, deeply unattractive.

No most men do not act like this. Entitled and otherwise lazy men act like this. He does this because he can and has further learnt this works for him.

What is the point of him?. Would you want your DD as an adult to be in a relationship with someone like this man is, no you would not. You should want better for your own self too.

Make sure you don’t have another baby with him

Many men are like this.
Or worse.
Or they’ve just left.

Agreed with pp, no more kids with this man.

He doesn't apologise or acknowledge what I'm saying, he just gets defensive. It makes me very mad

It doesn't matter what other men do. There's no point in trying to normalise behaviour that pisses you off.

You don't 'end up' changing her nappy, you allow him to manipulate you into changing her nappy. You need to get out of this relationship really, if the two of you can't have a sensible discussion about it, but if you can't or won't leave, you'll have to start telling him no.

Another angle - bedsharing and contact napping has dd had regular alone time with her df or are you just trying it now?

Yeah not normal. What would happen if you just kept pushing back - 'you pick what she's going to wear' 'she needs changing' 'no I'm walking the dog you can stay here'?

Tbh you shouldn't even have to push back. Most men in my circle want to be known as good dads who actively parent. They've taken flexible working and do equal childcare/domestic work. Though their relationships were quite even before kids arrived. Was yours?

As pp said don't have another baby with him.

Start making sure you go out for a half hour walk each day with the dog in the morning or evening before or after he goes to work;leave her with him.

On one of his days off take yourself off out somewhere for a few hours even it's of literally just sitting in a coffee shop nursing a coffee whilst reading.

Or maybe take up swimming one evening a week for a break and to improve your fitness levels (I find swimming quite therapeutic).

Have you heard of weaponised incompetence?

I was in the bathroom max 10 minutes - well, that's a rookie error

Take everything into the bathroom with you. Don't come out until you are ready. Just like he does. Can you manage to get out of bed first and do that in the morning too?

Time to start locking the bathroom door.

He sounds useless
What does he contribute other than money?

You sound very tired and stressed and I’m not surprised because you are with your baby 24/7. You cannot maintain this and it will get worse as they become a toddler. Time to teach your baby to be more independent eg sleeping alone, 10 minutes in a playpen/cot when you need to shower etc. If all 3 of you sleep together your partner must be exhausted too.

I’d say most men who choose to have a kid contribute more than semen, yes.

Up to you how long you’re happy to demonstrate this dreadful misogynist as a ‘parent’ to your kid before inevitably aiming for a better life.

Doesn’t sound like he’s a ‘partner’ in any way , just a live-in boyfriend. Your life would be so much easier without the deadbeat trailing around after you, he’d would have to parent his kid and do his own laundry/food,etc. Win/win!

I love the idea of a luxury poo!

I don't know about most but too many men don't do half of the housework or child rearing. We need to teach our sons to do better than this.

You need to do the same as him. Pop for a shower, lock the door, and finish half an hour later. Nip to the corner shop, come back an hour later