Marriage and sex

[ok123456]

Morning

I need some advice. I'm really confused.

I had my third baby 3months ago so a little tender down there still. Last night, my husband initiated sex. Probably 4th time since baby was born. He didn't want vaginal sex, he kept trying anal. No build up just trying to put it straight in. I was a bit confused but it all happened quickly. He then got some lubrication to help. It really hurt, I told him to stop, and asked him to use a condom, maybe I wasn't clear but meaning vaginal sex as we always use them for protection. I stupidly assumed he realised what I meant. Instead he put it on and just went straight in for anal. I just froze. It really hurt but was over with quickly. I'm still bleeding this morning. I don't really know what to make of it. I have told him I'm upset that he wanted anal and didn't check I was ok. He has apologised and said he is really sorry.

This was rape, Op. I am so sorry.

Oh OP that is horrendous. Its only 3 months since you had the baby as well. What an utter bastard. I'm so sorry that he did that to you. I couldn't forgive him. I hope you feel physically better soon.

That’s appalling. That was rape. I’m so sorry you went through that. Please please leave and seek help

This is unacceptable. You have been assaulted and need some medical care for the bleeding. I think you should make an appointment as a start.

Thank you everyone. It's hard we have been together 14 years, married for 6 years, 3 children and it's always been loving and caring type of sex. I'm in shock this morning and keep getting upset. It just doesn't feel like him.

@Crumbs22

This is unacceptable. You have been assaulted and need some medical care for the bleeding. I think you should make an appointment as a start.

Agree with this. I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Despite the apology Im not sure how you're going to be able to look at him the same. Im sorry OP 😔

That's horrific OP, I agree with PP - you've been assaulted by someone you trust most and all he can do is say "sorry" and expect you to move on.

Go and get yourself checked for the bleeding. Did you tear giving birth? The force of last night might have caused some damage to your healing?

In all honestly I would be making him stay away for a while at the very least, so you can clear your head and he can actually realise how awfully he's treated you. I can't understand why he wouldn't discuss this with you before and just assume he could do what he wanted???? How would he feel if you walked in with a strap on and just forced it in him without talking about it and ignored him saying no!!!

I'm sorry OP, he sounds like a bastard.

@rundown30 thank you

I had two stitches inside after birth. I'm so embarrassed, I will try and call the doctor today.

@ok123456 please try not to feel embarrassed, this was none of your doing and you deserve everyone's sympathy.

Definitely try and get booked into see someone to check where you were stitched to make sure all is ok, and check where you're sore/bleeding from this morning.

I'm so sorry again, I can't imagine how you're feeling xx

Jesus OP I am so sorry. 3 months post birth and he thinks its ok to force you to have sex?! What an utter bastard.
Get an appointment to check the bleeding, throw him out for a few days and take your time processing how you feel. You do not deserve that.

Everyone else here is right. That's absolutely horrific behavior in his part. If he wants anal he should discuss with you first, agree a plan, lube, stop when you need him to etc. He's a rapist OP. A rapist and I'm so so sorry he did this to you. Please go and get medical attention. There is nothing to be embarrassed about, none of this is your fault.

Thank you everyone 💗

I have seen the gp. I have a small tear but they couldnt see anything else. I didn't say what had happened I'm too embarrassed.

I need to speak to him tonight as it's not ok. My heads a mess

So sorry @ok123456

I hope the pain eases quickly.

Do you think he's been watching porn involving anal sex and that's what's suddenly changed him?

Oh my lovely, you really need to tell the GP what actually happened. She or he needs to know the truth.
Even if you feel unable to report this rape to the police, it needs to be on record somewhere. Because your "husband" will do something like this to you, again.

Abusers always do.

You absolutely have nothing to feel embarrassed about. You are a victim. I hope you've got someone in real life you can confide in for support. Help and info here www.rapecrisis.org.uk

@fenellastripe I'm not sure but quite possibly as he has never done this before. Even after I was in the toilet for a long time and my baby woke/ started crying. He didn't even notice I had been crying. No cuddle after like usual. It was just awful.

@Playplayaway thank you for the information

Good luck with however you decide to deal with this Op.

Gosh I'm so so sorry OP, you just be in shock. He really needs to know how much this has upset you, that he has hurt you both physically and emotionally and how wrong it was. You have to talk to him, he cannot think this was acceptable. So sorry xx

I would put money on him watching porn and/or using prostitutes whilst you have been sexually unavailable (pregnant/post partum).

He has both lost respect for and become angry with you for some reason.

A half-arsed sorry-not-sorry can never excuse rape. Get away from him or he will do it to you again.

Oh, this is awful. You must feel like you need a huge hug. Have you got a best friend you can talk to? You’re really really vulnerable at the moment.
Tell someone in real life. YOU have nothing to be ashamed of. You are not a walking set of orifices! You are a woman who had a birth three months ago.
Big love across the internet ❤️