Why is it so hard to leave my partner?

[Sadie0907]

Obviously I'm not going to be able to put every detail of my relationship into 1 post so keep that in mind, but this a lot to read because I have no other outlet (my therapist only schedules me once every 3 weeks) so please bear with me.
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years.
I've been very unhappy in my relationship, probably for most of it. There's many reasons for it. He is emotionally immature, doesn't show me affection, doesn't communicate, hasn't had a job almost the entire time we've been together, constantly accuses me of being rude/calls me crazy/etc, only wants to have sex with me, we have different views. Those are the biggest issues.
I've grown very resentful and distant. I've talked to him about this too many times but it always gets turned into all that I do wrong and he denies how he makes me feel. He always has me questioning myself.
So, this is the biggest issue I've had thus far because I don't know what I'm doing anymore: we have an apartment above my cousins who's been out of town since Nov 1. Since then I've been sleeping alone in her apartment. I've slept upstairs in bed with my boyfriend only 2 nights since. It honestly started because he was CONSTANTLY playing video games which is fine if in moderation, but he'd be on there from 9am to 5pm most days. Other times he barely took his eyes off his phone. We barely do anything together as a couple. I don't mind him doing his own thing at all but when you have a boyfriend who doesn't spend any quality time with you, it takes a toll. I started to feel more alone around him (I have no friends to spend time with fyi). Being alone by myself felt better than being alone in the company of someone else, so I began staying downstairs every day.
There were times he'd ask why I was down here and I told him, but he NEVER made the effort to hang out or talk to me. The ONLY time he would want to was to have sex, EVERY time. I won't if that's all he wants. I'm so turned off from him because of this whole situation. And I'm angry because it makes me feel like I'm not valued as a girlfriend, im just something for him to have sex with. It's been almost a month since we've had sex. I don't even feel a connection and cry every time we have sex now too cause it just feels rushed and not intimate at all.
All this doesn't really help either especially because I have pretty bad depression, traumas, and anxieties, all things he's well aware of but doesn't take very seriously.
He doesn't seem bothered that I'm down here. I remember we broke up for a few weeks in August and when we got back together he even admitted he liked being alone. I am ALWAYS asking him if he wants to be with me and he always says he does, but he NEVER acts that way. I still see him and talk to him every day but it's not like a relationship anymore.
I feel this way but I can't figure out why I'm having the hardest time leaving him? I feel ALL these things but I still stay? I'm not sure if it's I don't know if I'll make a mistake, if I'm worried about his wellbeing if I did leave him (if he doesn't find a place to stay, becomes depressed, is in a worse position than he was in with me), or if I'm just overthinking all of this and he's actually a great boyfriend. It seems common sense but I'm so stuck.
I want to clear up things too: I am not perfect in our relationship. I'm bitter so I tend to get annoyed at little things he does more than I should, I feel like crap staying down here sometimes, and won't have sex with him. There's more obviously, those are just the biggest ones.
I'd love to hear advice on what I should do. I have tried talking to him and it never changes, it's a neverending cycle. I feel like I've exhausted every way of approaching the convo of what our relationship is but if anyone has suggestions, let me know. If you have thoughts on the relationship in general, I'd love to hear it. If you might think you know why I'm so torn about leaving him, tell me please.
This is mentally exhausting. I couldn't be any more serious and confused.

It sounds like the relationship ended while ago. If he doesn't work, does he contribute towards the bills? Is he sticking round so he has somewhere to live where he can game for hours on end? Is it going to be a battle to get him out? I hope you find the strength to do what you need to do to have a happier life.

What's his official position? Are you both on the rental agreement?

I think you're hoping he'll see your pain and come good, but he won't. I suspect you're used to chaotic/neglectful 'care'. You're likely scared about being alone. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. I know how painful/frustrating it is. He does not like you, he is not interested in caring for you. There's no point in your hanging on hoping for change, he will not fulfil your hopes. You need to walk away from him, I know it will be hard, and you need to build your self esteem. You can find a therapist that will give you more than 50mins every 3 weeks. Good luck.

Men who don't work when they are able to are worthless. How does he pay towards rent and bills, he has no legal claim on the property, can your cousin make him leave.

Why are you still with him?

If you have beeniserable for most of the relations, what is the point of it?

I've always thought relationships were supposed to add to your life not an ordeal to be endured.

I only got as far as resentment. It’s a killer for a relationship.
He’s an arse, you’re wasting your life. End it.

You need to find all your strength and leave this relationship. It sounds awful and he's a total arse! How he deals with the breakup is not your problem. Don't let him manipulate you into staying.

Make sure you have some support IRL and continue the therapy and I promise in time you'll feel so much better without him

There is nothing to be gained form staying with him he is going to wreck yourself esteem and rob you of happiness
End of
Praise the gods that you don’t have children together and can Confine him to your past

He is really awful.

Reasons for your struggling are perhaps:

Sunken cost fallacy
Co-dependent
Low self worth
Frightened of being single.

Ironically you will feel so much better once you have split and blocked him.

We have 2 dogs and I live in the US so it's very hard finding an apartment/home to rent that accepts pets. We both agreed if I were to ever leave him, he'd keep them, dogs, and I said he could stay here and I'd live with my parents until something got figured out. I don't want to live with my parents and won't take his dogs from him, but I'd feel bad kicking the dogs out more than anything. I want to make sure they have a guaranteed home. My cousin also agreed to this so long as he paid the rent.
As time goes on, I'm leaning more and more towards leaving him and just going to my parents. Today (technically yesterday) was valentines day and he did say happy valentines day, but didn't do anything for me at all. He didn't show me any affection, tell me how much he loved me, didn't buy me anything, or do anything romantic-typical valentines day stuff.. I don't care about materialism, it's the thought and effort that count, something he NEVER does. This is the 3rd valentines day we've spent together and he's never done anything special for us.
I'm so freaking depressed, it's hard for me to want to even want to have a "talk" with him about all of this, regardless of the outcome, because I know EXACTLY how it's going to go. I'm going to tell him how I feel, he's going to counter with "what about you?! You do this!!", take no accountability or acknowledge my feelings because they're "wrong", say this is all happening because of me, he'll tell me to just leave if I'm unhappy because he doesn't want to talk/argue with me, and tell me he wants to be with me because he "loves me" and how he tries to show me he cares when he really actually hasn't. This exact convo has happened at least over a dozen times over the span of 3 years. He either says we "both need to change" and I stay, then it never does change. I leave him then take him back because I'm not sure if leaving him was the right decision. Or we both walk away and still stay together and pretend like the convo never happened.
This is what I mean by "mentally exhausting." I know I can just leave him and I probably should, but it's hard because EVERY time I think about doing it, I feel SO guilty and just can't work up the courage to. It's also the fear of the future outcome of what our lives would be like that freaks me out and makes me not want to go through with it.
It's taking a toll on my self esteem too. It's making me hate myself more than I already do because why am I letting myself go through this, why don't I just leave and stick with it, what does he possibly have to offer in a relationship that's worth salvaging? I just don't know.

You're quick to tell us he is emotionally immature, but you've stayed in a relationship that makes you unhappy for a long time, and are questioning yourself instead of leaving.

The mature thing to do here is to stop judging him, stop judging you, and stay away from situations that make you question yourself. Questioning yourself is the best way to make you feel immobilised. Liberate yourself, otherwise you will stay stuck and unhappy. He's not behaving in the way you'd like, but that's not the issue, from your point of view. He's entitled to behave however he likes. The problem is that you don't trust yourself.

It's taking a toll on my self esteem too

But it's your self esteem that's causing it.