I just wanted to update everyone who helped me on the Not Speaking Thread and thank them for getting me through such a hard time, giving their honest opinions and encouragement. I am still with dp but not for much longer. I had more or less prepared to leave when my mother died unexpectedly on the way back from a holiday in Spain. We were all devastated and in the following weeks I did not have the strength to do anything at all. Dp was upset too as he was fond of her and he tried his best to help. However his true colours asserted themselves again, my car failed its MOT (timing!) and I rely on lifts/buses to work/childcare, anyway we had a row about putting the rubbish out,. v silly ,and he took ds to childcare but would not let me get in car called me a cXXX and sd I better walk to work . Im feeling pretty vulnerable right now, carrying on as normal but its a huge effort and with a start to the day like that it is horrendous. Also he is staying away, dont know where and will not answer mob. Had a good chat with the rest of the family, we all want to move closer together to each other and to Dad, now mum has gone, and I am going to move, at first ds and I will live with Dad while I get job/house nearby. We will be all together, extended family helping a little with loss of dad/step-brother I hope. I really hope they can keep in touch somehow cos ds loves them so and I will do my best there. It is still hell about mum but I am more optimisitc about the future than I have been for ever and now feel I am strong enough to carry it through. Hate my life now, and believe I can do so much better for ds on my own. I may not have a big house ever again, but it will be a happy one. Just though you would all like to know that things have moved on. Thanks again!