Am I crazy to consider rekindling things with "the one who got away"?

[jolliejullie]

I have this "friend" of many years with whom there has always been this mutual attraction.

We met at 15 and he had a massive crush on me. We briefly got together twice in high school but I ended it both times. We stayed friends. Then we slept together in uni but I moved to another continent right afterwards so we remained friends again.

After that we both started international careers and lived all around the world. He is currently based in South-East Asia and I am in Europe. Both currently single in our mid-thirties. I can work remotely from anywhere for a few weeks/ months at time, my career is pretty portable.

I am in my home town this week and he is here too for a few weeks, so we went out. Again, the mutual attraction is so strong, it is like time has never passed and we are still the kids we were back then. We ended up kissing for hours like teenagers again and we both admitted that we think of each other as "the one who got away".

He wants me to go visit him in South-East Asia and go on holiday together. I still really like him, but I don't see how anything can come out of this given that we literally live in two different continents?

Am I mad for even considering this? Do these long "push and pull" relationships actually ever work out? Or should I take the risk and see once and for all if this attraction between us has any potential?

I always try to decide based in worse case scenario lol. You go there and worse case scenario you realise it's just mutual attraction but nothing longterm, how would you feel?

It doesn't sound like you're into him. It sounds like you don't mind getting a bit closer when noone better is in the horizon but don't care enough to give it a go. I mean there are lots of men out there, why pick one in another continent when you don't have particularly strong feelings for him?

I’d take the risk otherwise you might always regret it. Be on the look out for any red flags - partic things you recall from before. Is he a player / avoidant etc.

I think it’s quite romantic tbh.

Also I do think if it was meant to be then it would have by now, you wouldn't have left etc etc.

Give the holiday a go and see what happens

Do it!

Are you really really good friends? If yes proceed to next question. Are there dysfunctional aspects of his lifestyle or the way he treats others that caused previous breakups? If no proceed to next question. Is the reason you're apart because you were hoping to be blown away by someone you were more into? If the answer is no, proceed to next point. Could you imagine locating to where he is or is it possible you could both move? If yes, proceed to next step.

Propose. He is clearly your soulmate.

Do it!

If I had a chance with the one that got away I would jump on the opportunity in a heartbeat lol

You don't seem that excited about it but what's the harm in trying and seeing where it goes? Especially if you can go see him for months at a time, that seems like the perfect set up to me.

If you don't try you'll never know! I'd rather regret doing something than look back and think 'what if?'

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. You can't know from this point. You have to decide whether to take the risk or not, without knowing.

What's up with just viewing it as a holiday, rather than thinking about long-term?

@jolliejullie
If you don't want children then I'd go and explore what might be...however, I wouldn't be gambling my remaining fertility years on this 'adventure'

@FitBy40

If you don't try you'll never know! I'd rather regret doing something than look back and think 'what if?'

Agree with this completely

I'd definitely give it a try. What have you got to lose, really? Otherwise you'll never know if it's the real deal or not.

Go. At worse a holiday or a holiday fling, at best you will find out how you really feel.

Do it! Enjoy being young at the very least, you never know what lies ahead.

Seems like very little to use by going on the holiday and potentially all to gain.

Why did you dump him as teens?

I have a slightly different approach. If he was really the one that got away, then I feel like there'd be much more excitement on your part. You don't seem overly thrilled by this, just more like 'well the invite is there, but doubtful there's anything to come of it'
There's no harm in pursuing it as a little holiday fling, visiting for some fun, but I don't really think you'll get what you you think you will out of it.

What have you got to lose ? I would

I would do it - definitely. Just see what happens.

I guess it possibly be similar with me and an ex, except with her two children, although not sure how the dynamics will play out and that's even if the opportunity occurs.

As for your situation op, I'd say give the casino wheel a spin and see what number it lands on , so to speak. Either way all the best and positivity