NC because it's very outing. I found out via my DD that my exH recently called my 5yo DS a "gayboy" in anger. I've had words with him via text and he has given the old "I'm not homophobic, one of my close friends is gay" bs. I explained that being friends with someone who is gay doesn't stop you being homophobic.
ExH has got form for name-calling our children. In the past he has called my 7yo DS a "fat pr**ck" when angry with him, to the point that my 5yo DS started to call him it too.
I've got a list as long as my arm of shitty things he's done but if you knew him you'd never believe it. He comes across as very quiet and meek. He will be there physically for the children in a shot, for example he has been taking them to school for the last few weeks and picking them up because of various illnesses in the house. We have been separated for 3 years and he has never messed about with contact or maintenance etc. He genuinely seems invested in their lives but I just can't stomach this behaviour.
If I ever question him over stuff like this he becomes self-pitying, like tonight he's said he's a continual disappointment to everyone. He also frequently tries to shut me down by saying "it's done now I can't take it back/stop going on about it" etc.
How do I parent with him? He's 34 now... I've known him for 13 years and had hoped he'd have grown up by now. Realistically, I know if it went to court that he'd still get access which is why I've been hesitant to remove it.