History. Married young at uni.
When dc born he looked at porn as I was not intrested in sex at all . I have experienced abuse as a child and to my eyes it looked like explotation of another human. He promised not to do it again when he saw how upset i was but he did ; once he says.
He left ,lets say ,used tissues in his pockets ( yes i checked after i found the first) and in bins. He said he was frustrated .
He said it was due to the fact we were not connected and he missed it and wanted to make himself feel good.
As he broke his promise, it took a while to forgive this , but ,over the years I have felt very angry and suspect have withdrawn. We did have councelling, the effects of it were positive at the time.
We sleep in seprate rooms. He is universally regarded às a nice man.
Whilst he says he would do anything to make the relationship better , we have one day out a week together for eg, i feel like i have never recovered or respected him again.
I am prone to prefering my own company in the house.When we go out we have fun tho.
Its like we get on but as friends.
He says he would like to re kindle our sex life. He says this should be via connecting in other ways first.
I just find it hard to think things will ever change because he seems now too ' shy' to be sexual with me .
And
We spend so little time together, than time will run out.
He is in his 60s and its always in the future we can do so and so.... but soon the future will run out if it carries on like this.
I must admit I feel like I expect him to make more effort as I see him as avoidant ( easier to watch tv alone than talk etc) and if he wants to improve things, he and I will. It seems all talk and no action .
I must admit I start by suggesting we do stuff ,but then expect him to respond in kind , and he often does not .. so now Ianticiate that pattern it is easier to not try ro change as feel it will simply revert back.
Any ideas re21 way forward ?