Help me grey rock

[Pleaseaddcaffine]

Basic gaslighting exp. Thought we may reconcile and then caught him lying 3 times in one conversation we had when we were being open and honest. We have a 3 year old hence my stupidity at trying. He's very good at being surface nice but it's living on quick sand as it's not based on truths.
I was doing okay and now I'm really not. I'm very tearful and it's brought back a lot of memories from initial break up last year (he cheated and did drugs).
I know I'm a moron for even thinking I could try and I never will again. The impact on my MH in last few days has been terrible and very low.
How do I draw the line and stop overstepping? He's refusing to not come in my home as has ds there and is threatening not to have him if I won't let him in. I can't cut all contact obviously as he's my sons dad.

Lock your doors. Tell him in writing (so you have proof) he is not welcome in your home. If he enters again, call the police. No exceptions.

Have a friend or relative do pick ups and drop off if possible. If not, meet in a public place, don't hang about. Don't answer any questions that aren't about the child.

And block him on everything apart from one method of contact which you only check on days where he has the kid or to check he hasn't rearranged right before a pick up.

As for hm threatening not to have the kid - brilliant! He shouldn't have him. Abusers should have no place near kids. But of course that's easier said than done. And chances are it's an an empty threat unfortunately.

You have to be firm with yourself op. Set boundaries for YOU on what you will and will not tolerate. Be prepared to report harassment to the police if necessary. Often, showing these bullies you are supported and not afraid to seek help from the law is needed to help get them to back off

he’s a manipulative shit isn’t he? Been there, got the scars.

He has no right to come into your home and he is trying to blackmail you.

How does he justify only seeing DS at your home?

His home is 6 miles away and ds goes to bed early and I get back form work on day he has him (compressed hours) around his bedtime. He tried one day and they fell asleep at his so ds was an hour late home and it disrupted him a lot the next day, so I relented.
He has him 2 afternoon 3 till 7pm. and 1 weekend a month.

Contact is eow. How ever that looks but not at your address. Only engage about contact. Do not get drawn into anything else.

Journal your thoughts and feelings. Sound off to family Nd friends but do not to drawn into a conversation with him.

I need school night he won't do eow as he won't due to being busy. I can't get in after school club until he starts reception at the mo and childminder is full
Im trying to insist on half school hols but not getting far tbh
Journal is good idea. I've started a wellbeing guide as I know I'm backsliding. I also am considering some form of self esteem counselling

Well he is trying to make things difficult for you right? So you can use that to play him.

Say you really need him to take the child on the weekend of the 19th. Telhen you tell him that you really busy on the weekend of the 26th and ask he takes the kid that weekend. Of course he may refuse in the hopes that it makes life difficult for you.

You just have to keep in mind that he wants to make life hard for you. So when he manages to, don't let him see it. And when you need something, you can use it to trick him.

Pointing out how certain things will will directly affect him negatively can also help with some situations. Always keep in mind - all he dares about is himself (...and inconveniencing you of course)

Sorry that weekend thing wasn't clear. What I mean is that he would take the kid on the 19th because he wanted you to be overwhelmed on thr weekend of the 26th. But it was actually the 19th you needed child free ;)

He dosnt mess around about weekends as I don't care about them, it's working week days and threats to not have Alex. Saying its best for our son if I do this.
It's inceduous and used as a way to worm back in