Upset by DH comments

[Rosebel]

I have been ill for a few days and have a PCR booked this afternoon. Obviously issolating until the results come through.
Last night my husband said I'll have to keep our son at home (usually goes to nursery Wednesday and Thursday morning). I asked, well practically begged him to use his lunch hour to pick our son up but he just kept saying I can't. No actual reason just I can't. Then snapped at me I can't keep running round after you.
Considering this is about the second time in over a year I've asked him to do a pick up I've no idea what he meant.
I then asked if he could at least get our son dressed and fed this morning or if he could be back before tea because our son is adorable but hard work..
My husband said he'd try and get home early (that means he won't) but that our son is only hard work because I don't do anything!
This really upset me as as yesterday feeling like shit I played with his cars, building blocks, books and we had cuddles. I probably do play with him less in the evening but that's because I've been playing all day and my husband is usually home and can take over for a bit.
Anyway his comments have upset me and the I have don't do anything has made me feel like the shittest mum in the world. My husband said I'm being ridiculous and oversensitive. He could well be right but why did he have to say it when I'm exhausted and sick?
All I really wanted was a quiet morning but will now be looking after an energetic toddler instead (even though I apparently don't do anything).
Feel unappreciated and like my husband doesn't like me very much

This is probably not much help but your husband sounds like a selfish prick!

Don't pussyfoot around, tell him he's being an arse and you're sick of the presumption you do nothing all day. If its so easy he can get his arse into gear and solo parent all weekend

Hand your dc to dh and take yourself off to bed.

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Hand your dc to dh and take yourself off to bed.

Wish I could but my husband is at work. He literally only works down the road though and would have loads of time in his lunch break (he gets 1 hour and 20 minutes if he takes his morning break at the same time as he usually does) to pick our son up and drop him back. If he worked miles away or only had a short lunch break I wouldn't have asked him to pick up. My son wants to go out (usually go for a daily walk if I'm not working) and is whingy because I can't take him out (obviously).

Your H is entitled and unfair.
But why is he the one deciding that your son stays home? There isn’t anything in the rules saying you have to keep him home even if you were confirmed positive.
If H won’t help - take some paracetamol, get the kid ready and take him. At least this way you’ll get some rest.
Take a taxi if you have to.
Plus - take a note of this, so if your H ever needs help when unwell - remind him he is on his own.

Not sure what is going on in your relationship - but it doesn’t seem healthy.

His lack of respect and consideration for you does not bode well for your future. I wouldn't be having any more children with him, that's for sure.

He's allowed to go to nursery but I can't take him or pick him up incase I test positive.
They've had an awful lot of sickness /partial closure due to staff shortage because of Covid at nursery. I wouldn't want to risk infecting others.

@Rosebel

I think you are making it harder for yourself than needed.

For starters you don’t even know if you are positive. If you do a test today - it won’t be back till tomorrow.
Today, you could double mask, stand back and not enter their room, ask for him to be brought out. This is what you should do anyway - even if this is just a cold.

Little kids don't get it transmit covid. It’s more likely the stuff got infected the way we all do - public transport, or other places where adults mix.
We
Don’t keep kids home when parents have a cold. Which is all you know you have currently.

Sounds like he didn’t want you to have a morning ‘off’ (which it isn’t really as you are unwell) while he had to go to work.

I'm sorry your husband is a prick and doesn't appreciate you.

You need to have this out with him when you're feeling better

[quote MMmomDD]@Rosebel

I think you are making it harder for yourself than needed.

For starters you don’t even know if you are positive. If you do a test today - it won’t be back till tomorrow.
Today, you could double mask, stand back and not enter their room, ask for him to be brought out. This is what you should do anyway - even if this is just a cold.

Little kids don't get it transmit covid. It’s more likely the stuff got infected the way we all do - public transport, or other places where adults mix.
We
Don’t keep kids home when parents have a cold. Which is all you know you have currently.[/quote]
This is totally irresponsible. The advice on pcr testing is to isolate until you get your result. It's no wonder covid has spread as much as it has with attitudes like this.

As for your comment about young kids not getting or spreading covid - this is total nonsense! Of course they can get it and spread it. The OP is being responsible thankfully and thinking of others.

He sounds like a right bastard

This is unreasonable behaviour from your husband. Is his job more important than his child and wife? Where on earth does he work?! His employer must be quite unreasonable too if he thinks he’ll be on some sort of back foot by doing this for his son and wife. I’m completely aghast to be honest - remind him of your vows, and the commitment and prioritisation you’ve made each other. He has pride in his work, he wants to be a committed employee. What type of husband and father does he want to be?

@Westiemomma

This is all beyond the main issue here that Op’s H is completely unreasonable.

But the current guidelines are not to keep the whole household isolating if somebody is positive. Hence kids go to school and spouses go to work.

Little kids’ transmission of covid to adults has not been an issue. This is why nurseries didn’t close when schools have been. Little kids aren’t a risk.

So - if OP had a safe way of getting to the nursery - she could have taken her child.
Given that she needed rest to feel better - it’s not as irresponsible as you are making it out to be.

I bet he does fuck all to maintain the running of the family home too.

Sounds like a classic "That's Wife Work" twat.

He sounds very selfish op. You are ill. All he has to do is take on a bit extra so you can recover. It isn't asking for much - getting a child up and fed, picking him up from nursery. As for his comment about "running around" after you, just no.... Picking his kid up from nursery when his partner is ill is just doing to decent thing.

He is saying you don't do anything with your kid and that makes him hard work. Dis he mean the last couple of days because you've not been out because of illness? If so I'd let it go...if he meant it as a generalisation then that's fucking awful, he is basically saying you're a shit lazy parent, its affecting your son, and then blaming you for a getting upset over a statement that would upset anyone! How would he like it if someone at work told him he doesnt do anything? If you're a SAHP then it shows what value he puts on this and I'd be looking for work

And that's not even touching on the complete lack of sympathy for being ill. Normally when one partner is ill, the other does more including whatever 'running around' is needed...that's kind of the whole point of a partnership

Sweetheart, you have to have the courage to look honestly at what's going on here.

Then snapped at me I can't keep running round after you.Considering this is about the second time in over a year I've asked him to do a pick up I've no idea what he meant.

Actually, you do have an idea, but one you don't want to examine closely because it conflicts with your ability to continue believing that your husband cares about you or is worthy of the trust you have placed in him.

You know the reality is that he barely runs around after you at all and absolutely could pick up your son if he wanted to. So what he said is a lie, covering up for a truth much less flattering to him, like "I can't be bothered because I don't really care about you enough to put myself out a little ' or even worse: 'I can't because lunchtime is when I fuck my mistress'.

My husband said he'd try and get home early (that means he won't) but that our son is only hard work because I don't do anything! This really upset me as as yesterday feeling like shit I played with his cars, building blocks, books and we had cuddles.

Here, I can see that experience has taught you that when your husband promises help he will in reality deliver only an excuse, yet you have rushed past this problematic lack of integrity between his word and his deeds by acknowledging it only as a quick aside in brackets.

Next, you recount his harsh criticism of your parenting, one that if if you were to take it at face value suggests he sees you as neglectful. But instead of questioning why he is apparently happy to leave his son with a neglectful parent instead of stepping up himself, you focus on justifying yourself to strangers.

The fact is that if you know you're not a neglectful parent given that you are actually there with your son and know what goes on in your own home, the only appropriate response to such a harsh, false accusation would be to tell your husband "That is an outrageous lie and I will not be disrespected like that. If you actually believe my parenting is harming our child, I invite you report me to Social Services and allow a professional to step in, or take over your son's parenting yourself. If you don't want to do either of those things, I expect an immediate apology."

Anyway his comments have upset me and the I have don't do anything has made me feel like the shittest mum in the world. My husband said I'm being ridiculous and oversensitive. He could well be right but why did he have to say it when I'm exhausted and sick?

Do you really believe 'he could well be right'? That you are oversensitive and ridiculous to object to being denied help, falsely accused of neglect and being spoken to with contempt?

Or believing that you are at fault in some ways easier to accept than the alternative – that your husband is a disrespectful, lying, controlling, untrustworthy asshole who you need to eject from your life for the sake of your own mental health?

Or *is believing that you are at fault

Sounds like you'd be better off without him.