Partner not populat

[lothermand]

My partner is not particularly sociable, he has depression and this can affect how sociable he is. I enjoy his company, and we are ok together, however, I want him to be liked obviously, and for people to like our company. The question is, if you had a friend whose partner wasn't great socially (not horrible) would you put up with him for the sake of your friend/family member?

It would depend on what not 'great sociaply' looked like, tbh.

A bit quiet? A bit reluctant to participate but an enthusiastic supporter? Pleasant but disengaged company? Not a problem.

Irrascible? Expressions of disdain? A 'blocker' (someone who finds a problem for every solution). No, I wouldn't.

I spend time with people who are a positive force in my life. I would 'put up with' someone who was neutral. I have no time for negatives and remove them.

No, I don’t put up with anyone any more.
And I’d be concerned that it’s a way of separating you from friends/family.

This.

If I knew they weren't very sociable but they were still polite when we met fine. If I also knew they treated my friend well fine.

If they were rude or constantly negative id try to avoid them.

@GeneLovesJezebel

No, I don’t put up with anyone any more. And I’d be concerned that it’s a way of separating you from friends/family.

Whist I agree with 'not putting up with anyone amymore', it's difficult. If you didn't 'put up with them', eg include the couple in social events etc then, if he were trying to isolate her from others, he'd have succeeded.

I wouldn't choose to spend time with someone like this but I would put up with them for the sake of a friend or close family member.

I have a couple of friends with depression. They generally participate in social things and are just a bit quiet - not the life amd soul of the party and that is fine.

I have just dispatched one with depression and anxiety because he resents that other people are enjoying themselves and had started making demands of me to accommodate these in ways that were detrimental to me. 3 strikes and he was out. And, yes, I did state my boundaries and give him fair warning.

My best friend married someone I find difficult. Before they married I saw him socially quite regularly. He wasn't someone I particularly clicked with but he seemed friendly enough. After they got married he barely spoke to me and came across quite rude. I was upset and took it personally until other friends started noticing he was the same with them. That was years ago.

The only time we socialise now is a few times a year in a big group of couples. I would never just meet up with my friend and her husband, with or without my husband, but he is tolerable in company. Even now my attempts at conversation with him go nowhere much but I focus on the other people there. I still see my friend regularly, alone or in a group of women friends. I have never discussed it directly with my friend, we got used to just never mentioning it. (I've wondered if he is ASD but I'm not convinced he is, so I still don't get it. At first I thought he didn't like his wife having close friends but then he's never tried to stop her socialising as far as I know...)

But you don't have to socialise with your partner. Most of my social life is without mine!

I'd probably just make plans to see the friend or family member without the partner as much as possible if I really couldn't stand them. I don't see that as particularly unusual.

Yeah I would just see the friend. Life is too short to spend it with someone you don't like