Abusive ex indirect contact order

[Dayooffpls]

Looking for some opinions/advice.
A quick summary of the situation. I split up with my very abusive partner nearly 3 years ago. The abuse was controlling, mental, financial and sexual. He has continued this abuse (apart from the sexual abuse/rape) since the split. He's currently taking me to court for child access and the judge has issued interim indirect contact for him in November last year which consists of birthday/Christmas gifts and cards and a fortnightly letter which needs to be sent to my solicitor to be checked. So far there was some gifts for Christmas, a card each and a letter, nothing since.
I stopped all child contact in September last year as the kids mental health and behaviour was getting worse and he was being very manipulative with them. DD 14 has several mental health issues that I have been helping her with and getting the right help for her, DS 9 is currently on a waiting list to be assessed for ASD.

Now to the bit where I need some opinions...

I received an email from my solicitor today saying the father has contacted her to make her aware of a box he has posted to the office and its contents, which are...

"• 1 x pair of trainers each for both my children
• Socks and underwear for both my children
• Lip balm / Body mist and female hygiene products for my Daughter
• 1 x playable Fortnite figure my Son
• Liquid Medicine / Vitamins / new box of LFT kits and pocket sized hand sanitizers.
• Valentines Day card for both my children
• A father's letter to his children."
And he has also asked my solicitor to obtain both children clothes sizes.

He knows that DD is very uncomfortable and embarrassed about the sanitary products because he has done this a few times before when he has visited.
Valentines cards for children?
All of the above stuff are everyday essentials that are provided by me.

I find this very odd and so does family who know him and how he works, so I guess I'm looking for an outsider opinion really.

Thanks

My ex has an order for indirect and he's not allowed to send anything other than a birthday and Christmas present. The abuse was severe and it is recorded that unexpected parcels from him are triggering. Sanitary products and valentines cards for the kids are weird things for a dad to send imo. Does he not think you'll have sorted her out with sanitary stuff? What's he trying to achieve? Bizarre.

Sounds like he's almost trying to insinuate that you don't provide them with the standard basics.

Pretty sick that he's tried some of this before with the result that it makes your DD really uncomfortable, but he continues to do it.

If the contact order is for birthday/Christmas gifts & only letters in between this, then I would ask the solicitor to play it by the book & return everything except the letter.

Thanks for the replies. Validates what I already thought and that I'm not crazy.

I'm not sure what he is trying to achieve from doing this. Last week he emailed my solicitor saying he was looking into the idea of doing an essential food shop for the children's lunches and main meals and having it delivered and wanted to know if there was any food essentials in particular that he would consider and wanted to know what day/time I would be home.

Again I found this very odd and declined. Due to past stalking and harassment I do not what him to know what days/times I'm home.

The only thing I can think of as to why he's doing this is to make him look like a great loving dad to other people/court when that couldn't be further from the truth.

He sounds unhinged and deliberately pushing the boundaries of the order to unnerve you. My ex did similar. I think it was a control thing.

This is disturbing. What has your solicitor advised? Because I’d be getting the parcel sent back, with a strongly worded letter reminding him of the court order and a warning not to breach it again.

My solicitor wasn't very helpful when he emailed about doing shopping and said that she doesn't see this as controlling and the father has stated that this wouldn't be a regular thing, after a bit of back and forth she finally accepted my decision to decline.

Regarding these "gifts" that have been sent I sent a long email stating how this is breaching the court order, how it is triggering for me and I won't allow him to upset DD anymore. She took my decision straight away and said she will inform the father that I will not accept these items as I find them inappropriate and a reminder to stick to the court order in future. I will accept the letter and any other letters sent.

Hopefully he will get the message but I doubt it. He will be very angry and will try and find some way to "get back at me"

If he sends anything inappropriate donate it to a food bank. At 14 your dd doesn't have to accept anything..

We have given stuff away in the past when random things would turn up and he refused to take them back, DD even gave away her few Christmas gifts from him as she didn't want them, she's not interested in anything from him or seeing him. Now with this indirect order he has to go through the solicitor and I have refused these items.
I doubt he will donate anything that is not returnable.