MIL Jealous Over First Anniversary

[MrsMissusAnonAnonymous]

So, DH and I had our first anniversary. There was a little confusion to some people as to what day it was (on the license date or the wedding day?? We chose the date on our license). But MIL was always in the know, as she’s the one who informed me that we were technically already married a few days before the wedding day (which really was just a fancy dinner, vows were spoken on the license day at a registration).

Anyways. Our anniversary comes up, and we’re spending the day together. However, MIL keeps calling over petty nothings (not unusual) and asks DH a favor… DH says today’s my anniversary, so I’ll do it tomorrow. To which she just says “ok we’ll make sure you stop by your parents on your bday”. I found it off because she’s the type that will congratulate plenty for things like that.

Anyways, time passes, we eat out, and I decide, out of fairness, I’ll send her a picture of us on our dinner that I sent to other various well-wishing family members. She congratulated me and says she thought it was the 8th, to which I just say thanks and don’t argue. But, not even a heartbeat later, DH received this angry text “Congratulations on your anniversary (DH’s name) but I just found it from (OP’s name) that it’s today and not the 8th”. Like he’s supposed to apologize? Offer explanation? Like it truly matters to her what day we celebrate? Anyways he exaplains the concept to her and tells her that he did tell her on the phone, to which she doesn’t respond.

We went over for his bday a few days later, and nothing was said on the matter which is so odd given the type of person she is. Generally she’d gush and say she’s so happy. Today is the day of the wedding day. I receive a text, a picture of DH and I, with “Happy Anniversary❤️“ from MIL. It agitates me because we made it very clear what day and it’s like she’s just trying to coax me into arguing with her or just letting her pick the day and control it. I haven’t responded. I’m not sure to respond if at all. She does this type of thing where she just ignores your wishes and gaslights you into what she wants and it just irks me that it seems she’s trying make DH and I conform into that for our anniversary. What should I say?

Are you doing some sort of controlled linguistic experiment on "jealous" vs "jelly"?

Why make a huge drama out of this?
Nobody cares which day you celebrate on apart from you and your husband...
She wished you a happy anniversary. The appropriate response is - thank you.

I cannot believe that you started a new thread about this! Bonkers! 😂

The jelly thread is way more fun.

You’re overthinking this, just ignore and let DH deal with her.

@sadpapercourtesan

I get it OP, it's irksome when somebody constantly chips away at you with little controlling digs, none of which is enough on its own for other people to understand what the problem is! As others have said though, you're going to have to learn to manage her without your blood pressure rising every time she does it. I would have responded with "Oops, you're a few days late! Never mind - thanks for your good wishes" and left it at that. Any power she thinks she has to influence her adult children and their spouses is purely illusory. It only exists if you buy into it. So don't. Just do your own thing, and don't get snarled up in her crap.

Thank goodness someone understands. Things that are seemingly ordinary interactions between us are often power plays on her end. I tell her I’m doing ‘this’ for my birthday. She goes out of her way to ignore my request and buy me a cake that expires so that she can demand to DH that I have to come over instead. I said I want to be at the thanksgiving, so she skips the dinner and just plans a thanksgiving brunch during my work hours. Everything is discreet but it’s always done in some effort to undermine me or exclude me. She was mad about not being involved i guess. Or about the anniversary in general. She told me she cried for weeks after we married because it felt like I took DH, if that gives you any perspective. She does this stuff, I guess, to feel in control, like the winner, and to I guess feel that DH will always be loyal to her because he honestly never picks up on her antics and just goes with it. Anyways, wish I could say what you said but she’d probably call DH and raise hell, so I just settled for ignoring the words and commenting on the picture “aw!! Love that picture” she just left me on read so guess my point got across.

Fact is, I really wouldn’t care but she was so mean on the phone about it, I could hear the jealousy, and then on text she was so mad and dragged my name into so that’s when it bothered me.

@ShanghaiDiva

Why make a huge drama out of this? Nobody cares which day you celebrate on apart from you and your husband... She wished you a happy anniversary. The appropriate response is - thank you.

She did, I guess you missed that part. She got mad at my husband and was rude to him on the phone about it, super dismissive, then sent him an angry paragraph

You have waaaay too much time on your hands. Let it go. No one cares about other people's wedding anniversaries surely?

@Folklore9074

You’re overthinking this, just ignore and let DH deal with her.

I would but DH thinks it’s rude on my end to not respond so I asked advice since they’re fighting about it and she texted me obviously trying to bring me into it

@Justcallmebebes

You have waaaay too much time on your hands. Let it go. No one cares about other people's wedding anniversaries surely?

You would think but she was quite offended as though it were her own anniversary

@Justcallmebebes pot kettle?

@Clymene and maybe you do too..

OP - I get where you're coming from. It's bothered you and you're looking for some advice! - isn't that what mumsnet is for?
I feel so sad for the people on here who post such aggressive remarks, I'm sure they'd love their children and employers to know what they write on here!
You see the same names come up daily with their remarks, I feel sad they're soo unhappy!!

@piglet81 - sounds like you're a miserable cow?

Wait. Is she not just calling your husband out because he said. No can't help you - that's my anniversary. When you, as a couple, celebrate a different date.

So she thinks he pulled a lame excuse. (Which one could argue using your anniversary as an excuse to get out of doing something is a bit lame).

[quote weliveinharmony]@piglet81 - sounds like you're a miserable cow?[/quote]
Ooh thanks. Hope you’re having a super day too!

I'm just here for the Jelly.

Seriously though OP? You clearly don't like the woman so just let it wash over you, life is way too short for all this (unnecessary) overblown and utterly trivial drama.

Why is your MIL jealous?
She wished you a happy anniversary, on the anniversary of your wedding date. Not your marriage date. Most people (if they choose to wish a happy anniversary) will do the exact same, on the same date as mil. Get over yourselves. You can celebrate whenever you want. This isn't an issue. Mil can wish a happy anniversary on the date that she was present at your wedding.

@LizzieMacQueen

Wait. Is she not just calling your husband out because he said. No can't help you - that's my anniversary. When you, as a couple, celebrate a different date.

So she thinks he pulled a lame excuse. (Which one could argue using your anniversary as an excuse to get out of doing something is a bit lame).

I mean perhaps that’s her perspective but we already told her wish day we were celebrating she just didn’t like it or think it’s traditional and wanted it to be the day everyone was involved

@peboh

Why is your MIL jealous? She wished you a happy anniversary, on the anniversary of your wedding date. Not your marriage date. Most people (if they choose to wish a happy anniversary) will do the exact same, on the same date as mil. Get over yourselves. You can celebrate whenever you want. This isn't an issue. Mil can wish a happy anniversary on the date that she was present at your wedding.

Im mean sure i wouldn’t have cared but she fought with my husband about it as though we had to celebrate the date she chose

This is the jelly one but without the jelly isn't it.

But she didn't fight your husband? She offered a happy anniversary on the date you two decided to celebrate, and just queried it as she obviously assumed you'd celebrate on the anniversary of the wedding. She then sent a nice text on the date of the anniversary as she knows it. It's truly all been blown out of proportion for nothing.

Wasn't this thread a lot longer? Or is this a different thread? Seriously, two threads over a blinking anniversary card? You know, there are charities crying out for volunteers, that would be a much better use of your time. Stop fixating on your MIL. Your poor husband.

Do people even know or care when other peoples wedding anniversary is? Dh and I forgot our own 1st anniversary

@Goooglebox

This is the jelly one but without the jelly isn't it.

Yeah Not half as interesting

Seriously, get your husband to tell this woman to back off. If he won’t, then you have a DH problem, not a MIL problem.

As you’ve seen here and on your original ‘jelly’ thread, most people think this is ridiculous. I think you should take that to heart and keep it in mind going forwards. I remember from your previous posts that you’re very young and this makes sense. As this is not an adult reaction to this situation. I don’t mean that unkindly, but you really need to recalibrate how you react to his parents.

All of these ludicrous petty squabbles (I’ve seen your previous posts) can be avoided by you and your husband stating your positions, maintaining your boundaries and refusing to engage. So do that.