Friend I've stuck by has seemingly turned on me?

[Badenergee]

I have a friend I've known for some years. She is a massive talker- difficult to get a word in edgeways often and she tends to switch off when I'm talking. It's draining at times. I have however continued my friendship with her up until this point because she can be very kind and thoughtful, has a good heart, but is seemingly socially unaware at times. When we joined a baby group together, other mums would gravitate away from her as they found the persistent talking exhausting (this is what one mum once said to me once when she wasn't there as she joked that I must be enjoying the quiet). I didn't get into a conversation with her and brushed it off.

Recently, since the restrictions have lifted, we have been out with some of the mums from our sons' preschool for drinks on two occasions. Her behaviour towards me during these outings has been far from polite though. She will compliment everyone on what they're wearing apart from me, go on her phone each time I talk and at one point, sighed as I was talking. She wasn't doing this when others were speaking. Then, on Saturday evening, I bumped into her in the supermarket and she physically turned her back on me as I was responding to a question she had asked me, to begin a conversation with someone else she knew who walked passed us. I wandered off very red faced without even a goodbye.

I'm fuming to be honest. After all the years I have stuck by her when others have gravitated away from her, I've seen through the constant talking and always focused on her good intentions as a friend, I don't know what I've done to warrant this sudden rudeness.

I'm really disappointed she's behaving like this towards me. But we are of course part of the same social group now and it's very difficult for me to break ties. What would you suggest on dealing with a person like this on a day to day basis? I also see her at preschool pick ups so it's not like I can avoid her. The other mums must be affected by her endless talking also but they're a nice bunch and put it to one side like I have done for many years. I just need some strategies to get me through seeing her on a social level and her behaving like this towards me. She's even started to look me up and down as if she's judging my outfit at school pickups which makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm usually in joggers as I work from home!

Stop entertaining her monologues. Literally walk away, say 'must dash', talk to someone else. I agree this is probably caused by her feeling she has more social options than before so is trying to establish a position (I.e. nothing you've done). But don't waste any more of your time or energy on someone else's monologuing. Just a polite 'hi' and 'bye' if you have to.

She'll also tell me (discreetly) if I've gained weight, things like that because to her it's a factual observation.

I'm also wondering if, as she doesn't have many friends, perhaps she's punishing me for having other friends?

Well I’d hang the flags out. She is a shitty friend and now she’s dumping you so you don’t have to carry on with this friendship. Just be civil, that’s it.

You should not have walked away red faced in the supermarket. Because you had nothing to be embarrassed about. You should just have walked away and thought, “screw you”.

As for the question of her being on the spectrum: no. She sounds like she is simply self obsessed and selfish.

It’s a power play. Next time she talks to you, interrupt her and tell her as a matter of fact you found her really rude turning her back to you last time in the supermarket. Then go and talk to someone else. Don’t just ignore her behaviour.

You are so describing my friend. She talks and talks and moans and moans, but looks at me slightly aghast if I occasionally say something, as if she’s thinking I’m monopolising the conversation. She also mentions my weight a lot,. I’m average weight but she seems to notice and comment on minor fluctuations that I’ve not even noticed.
I think there is some sort of issue with her which is why I make allowances when I could take offence.

@Badenergee

Yes I would agree with that *@rossnagoose*

I know others have discontinued friendships with her in the past as she has told me so- one friend told her she was rude. It makes me wonder if she actually is aware of it for this reason. She's extremely serious too, hence me questioning whether she could actually be on the spectrum.

Is it possible she's only conscious of her own rudeness in that once instance because that ex-friend called her on it? That she thinks that, as you've never said anything, you must not find her in any way rude, therefore she doesn't need to make an effort to monitor her own behaviour?

She does sound astonishingly socially unaware.

Just distance yourself from her, if you see her in the shops or school playground, just a wave and a 'hi' then look away and walk off. If she rude in front of friends you could call her out somehow. I often find repeating what's said back does the trick.

She’s dominating you and putting you down because she thinks it makes her seem more important in the group. Strategies…

Avoid her as much as you can. Don’t initiate conversation with her. If she’s extremely rude - like playing on her phone or sighing when you talk, you can maybe call her out on it in a light-hearted way eg “Oh dear looks like I’m boring someone!”

Or if you think there is a nice person somewhere in there, you coukd say “Look we’ve been friends for ages, but recently it’s got weird. I know you probably don’t notice it, but often when I talk in the group you interrupt me or play on your phone or sigh turn away - things that make me feel rubbish and that I never see you do to other people. What’s going on?”

"I think there is some sort of issue with her which is why I make allowances when I could take offence."
Think I'm doing the same @Lunificent

Ok, so I think there is some awareness/strategising going on here. Another mum joined our group this morning at preschool drop off to chat with us. She's lovely but has the tendency to monopolise conversation too- but is not rude about it. Just very chatty.
My friend left the group as soon as she came over and stood on her own, before rejoining the group after the chatty mum had moved on to speak to someone else.
Makes me think that this has everything to do with attention? She moves away, stops listening when the attention is no longer on her?