Why am I a failure as a domestic goddess? And does it really matter

[ca7439]

In a nutshell, my dh wants me to be perfect housewife and I'm not. WE have 2 kids - age 2 and 1 and he wants to come home every day to a 2 course dinner on the table, all washing dried and ironed, house immaculate.......
Problem is, that's not my style and I don't think it's that important, not that I want to live like a pig, but you got to relax a bit.
He says I don't have time cos running business on ebay which takes a couple of hours each day. Keeps asking me to close it down, but it's something I really enjoy and I don't see him complaining when he is spending the extra money...
Sorry, bet this sounds really petty to some people but I'm sick of the arguments. I think there's more to life than cleaning!
Thanks for reading - rant over!!!
xx

ca7439 I am no domestic goddess, although compared to what I was when I met DH I should be given an honorary title. I think exactly like you: it's boring, it's going to get messy a minute later, there's more to life etc. my DH is exactly like me, that's why we got on so well. however when he's stressed for whatever reason and comes home to a semi-mess he gets on his high horse and wishes I was cinderella. well yes I need to be more organised and I will improve, after all I have been a wife and a mum only for 2 years. but one thing is clear I'll never be any anthea and I do not care.

I am sure we'll keep argue here and there though. I said it in another thread: it doesn;t matter how new man they think they are at time they revert to cavemen.

"Some men really dont understand what looking after kids entails." that is also very true. DH has been home for two weeks and although he was hardly alone with DD as he was here we shared her 50-50. well guess what? he found it so exhausting having to battle with her a hundred times over what to wear, washing teeth, eating, tidying up and quite boring having to play with play-doh, colouring, train, fifi's house in and out everyday plus tidying, cooking and cleaning. oh yes he did get the picture all right.

sure he'll forget in a while though.

Thanks for all your responses.
To be honest, I do realise that it's not unreasonable to want to live in a tidy house and I would like that too... my complaint is that he assumes that since I am home all day, I have no excuse for not having done it...
Anyway, we had a discussion and he has agreed to try and chill out a bit and I am going to try harder to keep on top of it!!
Glad to have found a place to share with other people to stop me from feeling like i'm going mad!!
xx

I once read a very good book called "What Mothers Do". It seemed to articulate very well how important looking after the kids is and how unrealistic it is to be able to do much else (like keeping a perfect house) at the same time, esp when they are so young. Its a great read, and it may help you to find a way to better communicate the reality of a day with small children to someone like your DH who doesnt seem to get it at all.

yes I think it is a compromise. somedays I work really hard and the house is tidy and nice dinner is ready etc. other days DD might have been playing up, or I was extremely tired, or smthing came up or whatever and it's not a great sight. well they forget it's the same at work. I had days when working when I did do nothing and days where I was a super-employee.

also in fairness there are women who themselves are not messy on the first place and hate the mess themselves so much that cannot sit and relax before everything is tidy. my mum is one of them and told me that she wishes she was more like me and able to relax anyway as by the time she'd finished everything there was no time left for her.
Not only is unrealistic to wish to change a person outright it is also not convenient. I don;t know how your husband is but mine would not stand a chance with a domestic goddess, she would have not gone past the first date after entering his flat and would make his life a hell. 'BE CAREFULL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!' I'd tell him!

(also told him whether he prefered me ironing his shirts in the eve or a chance of some sex! I let you guess the answer )

my DP is always grateful if his dinner is done for him, it is never on the table when he gets home as his hometime can be eratic. The house is a pit, we both wish this was different. But if he ever complained or implied i should give something up that i do for myself in order to clean the house and provide him with a two course dinner(what does he want, silver fucking service!) as soon as he walks through the door, i daresay i would have an extra ornament to dust - his balls!! Honestly, would he not rather you play with his children? I think this man is living in the dark ages.

Good luck with the ebay thing btw

"If you're getting extra money from your ebay business, are you in a position to pay for some cleaning support?

I hate cleaning with a passion, and a large part of my career motivation has come down to being able to afford to pay someone else to do it for me."

Why is it the cleaner would be doing it for YOU? isnt it both partners responsibility to make sure the house is clean, therefore shouldnt it be down to both partners to pay- or am i just reading too much into that? To that end, why should to OP have to fork out money from HER business in order to have a cleaner?

Why are people so bloody anal about tidyness? we often have to negotiate an obstacle course once DD has gone to bed, sometimes one of us blitzes, either me while DP baths DD or him while i settle her to bed, or sometimes we just leave it if we are knackered!