Long story short: we had 5.5 years together and his mother was pushing him to pop the question to me to 'secure me.' Prior to the proposal, I had tried to talk about future plans on numerous occasions and he wouldn't have a bar of it. He always walled me out, so his proposal came as a surprise to say the least. I paused, cried, then said no very apologetically. Then, something strange happened where suddenly our lives were seemingly in danger (a man carrying a python came to interrupt us in the moment...threatened to drop the python on us). We were so confused and scared at the same time. The look in my partner's eyes was like he had just been brutally tortured and we had to endure a 2.5 hour drive back home. While we were in the car and as I tried processing everything that had just happened, I said yes to the marriage proposal. I thought about how he helped me through some dark years of my own and how he was showing to have made 'some' effort in keeping me.
Now.... This is the kicker. I feel like I was a impulsive and have gone back and forth with the decision since. He told me if we hadn't have been intimate, he probably would have not waited as long to propose (he said 2 years tops). That, coupled with being pushed by his mother into doing it made me think. He remembers small details about other girls but seems to not notice as much about me. Wedding planning went ahead, but only one of us was doing it all (me). After 2 months of being engaged, I asked him to make a small effort by selecting a location for engagement pics. I gave him 2 weeks. Nothing. I gave him an extra week. Again, nothing.
We get to a venue I chose but we both liked, and he was on his phone the entire time. I tried getting his attention, but he kept going straight back to his phone. As I looked around the room, all eyes (about 100 people) were on the venue's presenter... All except for him. It hit me. I excused myself, went outside and burst into tears in the carpark. My gut feeling was there all along. However, I feel I owe him so much for all the help he has given me. Meeting him really did turn my life around for the better, but now I feel burdened at how one-sided this relationship is. He apologetically said he doesn't respect me. Why? I'm the responsible one while he's 4 years older and would rather play games all day than spend quality time whilst avoiding any future talk. Is this the end? He's my first relationship.