Partner wants me to get a job ( so do I). I have tried various things but they have never been good enough apparantly. He doesn’t want me to work for free ( volunteer) or mess about with courses when I have a degree. I lost a lot of confidence but am getting it back. I gave up my cafe job as it got so difficult to go. ( not obviously, but rolling eyes, disparaging comments, )
I have joined a return to work course, I didn’t want to tell him as I thought he’d be dismissive ( he was), but it gave me the courage to get as far as an interview. Today I mentioned a part time shop job - help with bills/ get me going etc. he said I couldn’t get a shop job as it doesn’t help the family. He said something about how I needed to grow up and get real and not swan around in a shop job for my mental health. Why should I have good mental health when he has to hold everything together. He was headed for a good old rant so I left the room.
It really upset me though! Ifeel worthless. I realised I don’t buy anything for me, I look and feel tatty. I didn’t buy anything that I like in the supermarket even! I feel that I don’t deserve it. What’s worrying me is I headed straight for the wine and am now wide awake.
Just feel stuck! And useless. I know I have a skill set that’s traditionally freelance. But I need a job. Help! Don’t know what I’m asking for - unless someone out there is hiring!