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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Feeling like I don't fit anywhere

17 replies

Itsallrocknroll · 07/02/2022 22:51

That's just it. Moved way for a fresh start just me and DS. Started a course hoping to meet new friends. They seem friendly enough but they do all seem to have made friends with each other and I feel like the odd one out. Have asked if anyone wants to go for a coffee etc but it seems everyone I ask is too busy etc. Have tried the odd gym class - same thing there. It's me isn't it? It must be.

OP posts:

TheFoundation · 07/02/2022 22:54

Nah, it takes ages to make friends when you move to a new area.

Drop the 'it's something wrong with me, isn't it?' attitude. The first person who needs to be with you and for you is you.

Newmum738 · 07/02/2022 22:56

You just haven't found your tribe OP. It's hard and it can take a long time. I saw a poem that really helped me years ago it says you have to accept your aloneness and stick with it all your life. People will come but you will always have those times with just yourself so best to be comfortable with that. Try some other clubs and see if you can find a kindred spirit!

Original poster

Itsallrocknroll · 07/02/2022 22:58

We've been here 18 months. I've tried the classes I like. Hmmm. Maybe I AM feeling a tad sorry for myself. Maybe I'm just sick of being alone / just us two

OP posts:

TheFoundation · 07/02/2022 23:08

D'you go to lots of social events with your littl'un?

Original poster

Itsallrocknroll · 07/02/2022 23:10

No. He's at school and goes to his dad's most weekends. School holidays we just explore the local area/ go places on the train.

OP posts:

lomoloko · 07/02/2022 23:12

I think it's just Covid - everyone is just coming out into the world now. The last 18 months nobody has been making new friends.

Original poster

Itsallrocknroll · 07/02/2022 23:13

There's 20 people on my course making friends with each other though ...

OP posts:

Thingsdogetbetter · 08/02/2022 07:38

Gym classes are an odd place to try to make friends tbh. Apart from a quick hello after being in the same class for a good six weeks and a nod goodbye that is really the limit of social interaction from my experience. I've been in the same gym class for over a year and am still at nodding stage with the others (and I'm extremely chatty person ).

I find courses the same: people are generally busy with their lives and focused on the course content. The few doing it for social reasons gravitate to those who are superficially similar to them (your face has to fit on the first day). Hard to get to know people as the 'social' bit is only at the beginning and end of a class when people are rushing about. Also found that the friendship that develop on courses rarely outlast the course.

Whereas a walking group or book club everyone chats throughout the activity. Even with park runs people chat as they jog around. I think you've just been looking in the wrong places.

GreyCarpet · 08/02/2022 08:46

If your son goes to his dad's most weekends, what do you do then?

What did you do pre-child? What's your thing?

Original poster

Itsallrocknroll · 08/02/2022 15:48

Pre child I used to go out for a drink or a dance around the handbags with. My best friend. My BF found another BF to go out with if a weekend when I was doing the night feeds etc and has since moved on/ left her DH and remarried. I had really bad PND so probably contributed a lot to the end of the friendship and subsequent blocking ini SM- then lockdown. Dancing and going out us my 'thing" I also used to like just hanging out at hers or mine. Bloody hell. I've just made myself feel worse 😔

OP posts:

DoubleChinWoes2 · 08/02/2022 15:49

I had this in my new village and I started a book club and there's a group of us really good friends now. Might be an idea!

Original poster

Itsallrocknroll · 08/02/2022 16:08

How did you start your book club @1DoubleChinWoes2?

OP posts:

DoubleChinWoes2 · 08/02/2022 18:07

We have a village Facebook page and I posted would anyone be interested. About 8 people turned up for the first meeting and there's been new attendees and friends of friends join. We try to do a Christmas do each year and it's been a brilliant support network. I'm so glad I went out on a limb and set it up.

If there's no Facebook page, you could try advertising on a notice board or local shop window perhaps? There is a new men's group which meet at the local pub Saturday morning and I saw the advert in the train station and pub window.

GreyCarpet · 08/02/2022 18:22

OK. Well could you go out again now?

My 'thing' is live music. I don't like big gigs but love seeing small local bands in pubs. So I started doing that on my own.

KirstenBlest · 08/02/2022 18:23

Get a dog, you'll meet people when walking it and you'll have company at the weekend

Georgeskitchen · 08/02/2022 19:34

Have you tried making friends with the school mums on the school run? That's were I made made my friends when I moved to a strange town

goMe46 · 10/02/2022 10:56

Local Walking groups.

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