I feel so left out…

[BacksideFirst]

My daughter is 21 and has ADD and ASD, lives at home. Growing up she was close to both me and her dad but since turning 15 or so, she’s always with her dad. She’s not particularly girly, enjoys gaming, etc but is a good person. Hates shopping in fact anything I like, she doesn’t. She doesn’t like kids, I love them and always wanted more (sadly couldn’t).

I feel so alone as I don’t have any other children and as I’m close to my mum, presumed we’d be close too.

I find weekends unbearable as I’m just so lonely. I can’t see any other family as there are so few of us to start with. I feel such a loser as when OH is at work she waits for him to return to speak to him as opposed to him.

Has anyone gone/going through this?

It sounds as if you want to mold her into the idea you had of what having a daughter would be? Regardless of ASD etc- can you try to engage in her interests? Your post is about what YOU envisioned but not much about “what can I do” to connect with DD? 💖

Just to add- I don’t mean that in a critical way at all. My DS has ASD. I have nothing in common with him and I’m a single mum. He is EXACTLY like his Dad. I bond with him by engaging in his chosen hobbies (yes it’s painful) and listening to him talk about what he loves. It’s exhausting and sometimes I feel utterly useless but i think he appreciates the efforts. X

She’s not supposed to be a carbon copy of you. Surely you knew this would be a separate person to you?

Just try and take an interest in what she likes but maybe a compromise? A gaming shop/place then a cafe, in some cities there are gaming cafes that are quite nice.

Also don’t punish her not wanting kids because you want more. I think this is mainly you and your own issues rather than her? Have you had any counselling about the kids situation? I’m sorry you must be grieving a bit but that’s not her fault.

It can be difficult when our child is so different from ourselves. I’m a mum of two adult children and one has ASD/ADHD and if I’m honest I too don’t have so much in common with her. We talk about her interests here and there but it can be taxing sometimes.
I’m not sure if you work or not, but I’ve started volunteering and have made a few friends/acquaintances and am learning new things which she has started to ask me about. I think just keeping the lines of communication open does help.