some advice please- when dating same person turns sexual / and some advice over dating

[Melanie2041]

Is sleeping with someone within 3 months too soon?
If there has been dates and everything was fine when is a good time to move on to sleeping with each other?- I let the guy know I was not after casual so I don’t know how much more clearer I could be in that regards and just wanting to know any further advice how you choose and when to sleep with a guy you’ve been dating etc. i have just been ghosted after being convinced (at first) the person I was dating for under 3 months wanted to date proper and we was doing we was on same page originally he didn’t either do or want casual he told me but wanted to date slowly like me so I built up trust and got to know each other and then slept with each other but shortly after that abruptly stopped and then I got ghosted sometime after (I have another thread if you would like to check that out what happened) I don’t want this to happen to happen again any advice would be appreciated on if I decide to date again? Any red flags to watch out for , when do you usually trust someone to know more than likely they are not going to sleep with you and then dump you or what are the signs that you should be able to trust a guy, I’m referring to the guy that says how much he likes you but then doesn’t really make the effort to you or says they miss you and then doesn’t arrange a date I need to avoid this!

Sorry this has happened to you. Sometimes there is no real way of knowing if the guy will ghost you or not after sleeping with them. I always say I pay attention to actions and not words. Their actions need to match their words. If they say they miss you, then their actions needs to show you they are making an effort to see you.

I've slept with someone after date 1 and we were together for 8 yrs and someone after date 6 and he ended up being a clown thereafter. You never know. You have to just continue to watch for actions. State your intentions and boundaries clearly and anyone that doesn't match that, is not the one for you.

@ScorpioTwinkle1 thanks for that and your insight / experience . The guy after date 6 and sleeping with him how did he start acting like a clown what did he do? Did he start acting like that after you slept with him?

I just realised down the line that he was a total idiot with zero emotional intelligence that would sulk over petty things.

@ScorpioTwinkle1 oh really like what would he do? It’s interested that because that guy that just ghosted me (it’s on my other thread) would often say to me he’s just ‘cranky’ or tired etc and it seemed to dictate his mood towards me! So whatever he was feeling that day it would reflect onto me …it’s funny because within those months if I had a ‘bad day’ I never reflected that I was always upbeat and would never seep those feelings into someone I was seeing …I felt his emotional maturity maybe was up there or he could of been depressed he never said he was but I did think that that’s maybe why I was more giving benefit of doubt , but yeah I would say that was similar to the guy I was seeing that he would go into these sulks and even say sometimes he was in ‘self pity mode’ and I use to think is that normal…

General advise is people can ghost you at any time, have sex with someone when you want to have sex with them rather than as a way to try to keep them around/prove you're looking for something serious, etc

I slept with my bf on date 3 and he's moving in this weekend. I slept with another guy probably date 4 and he treated me like crap. Neither of these relate to when we had sex. I'd say you can tell if a guy is into you (most of the time - there are some good fakers but mostly we just ignore red flags) and if you're not sure, he's not. It's basically as simple as that.