Is this it? Or can I hope to dream that someday soon I can leave? Has anybody managed it whilst having two, possibly three long-term health issues and no job?
I always thought it was me being a control freak needing to know everything however this past year (since being on mumsnet and reading other peoples stories) I am slowly coming to the conclusion that I am not actually in control of anything, he is. His stock answers are "You didn't remind me" or "Stop going on, I'm busy/tired". If I continue then he explodes and shouts/storms out. I frequently have to decide to leave any "asks" for another day/wait until I see whether he might be amendable to doing a job around the house. No wonder I am so frustrated and angry all the time. No wonder I lie awake at night trying to figure out how we are going to pay the bills. Even though he is fond of saying I have access to his money... he spends it on hobbies before seeing if the bills are actually paid... and its my job to send off the payments, not his. He expects me to do everything as he works. Despite having a health condition for the past twenty years that causes extreme pain and fatigue and brainfog (which is why I don't work) he expected me to decorate, clean, laundry, garden, childcare, pay bills, admin, presents for his family, birthday cards etc etc... literally everything except physically go out to work.
I have not worked for over twenty years. I suffer from two long term illnesses that qualify me for the blue badge each so highly doubtful I can even do a part-time job at present, esp since I am being investigated for a possible third long-term autoimmune disease. I get maximum PIP which pays for my car, prescriptions and cat stuff (he wont even pay for her food or catlitter, nevermind cattery or vet fees) but she gives me such joy and hope for the future, I need her so I don't curl up and die.
I have approximately 20K left from my mum's will. That amount added to the sale of the house mortgage paid off this year, both names were on the mortgage) will get me a little two-bed terrace provided it happens this year/early next before prices shoot up too much. He is also starting to refuse (by saying "later" but later never comes) to do any jobs around the house and it is beginning to fall badly into disrepair. I cant afford for the value to drop too much but the boiler needs replacing, so do the windows, it floods when it rains heavily, wallpaper hanging off, carpets filthy (he drops food onto the floor and then walks over it rather than clean it up but tells me to clean it if I am that bothered), etc etc. It's a disgusting mess but it needs money spent on it. I want to buy rather than rent as this means I have financial control, nobody can put the rent up or force me out. It will be mine so I can finally breathe.
So my question is this. Is it possible and how? I figure I cant claim UC as I have over the 16K limit but I cant afford to pay half the bills whilst we sell the house unless I eat into the 20K... which means I can't leave as I wont be able to afford my own house. But once I am in my own place then the PIP should be sufficient for my needs as I am very frugal. There could be the possibility that once I am away from him the stress that is wreaking havoc with my health would calm down to the point I would be able to work part-time at least (I would love this to happen, the thought actually fills me with excitement).
As for anyone saying half that 20K is his... he spent two separate/small inheritances on himself this past year, no discussion. Nearly 16K on just him. Not family, not house. Him. So fuck him, this money was given to me by my mum...and hes spent/wasted nearly 30K of the rest of it. No idea where it went although some went on a new 10K garage to house his fucking bike that he rides twice a year for the past thirty years.
Anyway... can I dream and start planning... or am I stuck here until I die? Either way, I need to plan my exit. Thanks for reading this far, I didn't realise it was so long 